This is James typing. Abby has been talking about stewarding some fantastic things so far. I am soooooo proud of her! Now....since it is 10:51pm (on the night before co-op) I'm forcibly taking her computer from her (OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHH.......) and making her heed her own post from yesterday and go to bed!!! I'll give her back her computer tomorrow and you can all once again read some tremendous thoughts from a fantastic mother, beautiful wife, and dear daughter of God (and I keep telling her she's an amazing "author" also...).
If you are disappointed with this post, blame Canada. And then direct your frustrations to me--her husband! Thanks.....
james
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Day 7
So it's kinda hard to think of new things to write each day. Makes me glad I only write like this once a year rather than full-time! My thoughts could take many different forms tonight, but tonight it's gonna go towards rest. Do I steward rest well? Rest can be in the form of physical (am I exhausted or rested), emotional (am I burdened or set free), spiritual (am I beaten down and battled or victorious), and mental (am I confused or do I have clarity)?
- Psalm 22:2 "My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest."
- Psalm 62:1 "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."
- Psalm 62:5 "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him."
These are just a couple of verses I found on rest (there's obviously hundreds more), and there's definitely two different tones. One is full of peace saying "hope and salvation comes from him." The other cries a different story saying "I find no rest, though I seek you." It seems like in this Christian life, we always strive to achieve rest and peace. In fact, the two are often synonyms for each other. However, what if part of our rest comes in the struggle? What if we can't really know the true rest that God offers us unless we go through the pains and heartaches? Just like we can't know what something really sweet tastes like unless we put it next to something salty or bitter or plain, we can't fully know what rest is like if we don't go through a state of unrest or crisis or strife. Reminds me of the adage, "the shadow proves the sunshine". You can't have one and ignore the other. So very simply, do I steward rest well? Do I embrace all the parts that come with allowing me to understand and appreciate rest, or do I ignore the things that are painful and gut-wrenching and just focus on the superficial notions of rest that tend to blow away with any wind of discomfort or circumstance?
And now, I will go rest, because God knows, the last two days I've been embracing the discomfort and confusion!
- Psalm 22:2 "My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest."
- Psalm 62:1 "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."
- Psalm 62:5 "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him."
These are just a couple of verses I found on rest (there's obviously hundreds more), and there's definitely two different tones. One is full of peace saying "hope and salvation comes from him." The other cries a different story saying "I find no rest, though I seek you." It seems like in this Christian life, we always strive to achieve rest and peace. In fact, the two are often synonyms for each other. However, what if part of our rest comes in the struggle? What if we can't really know the true rest that God offers us unless we go through the pains and heartaches? Just like we can't know what something really sweet tastes like unless we put it next to something salty or bitter or plain, we can't fully know what rest is like if we don't go through a state of unrest or crisis or strife. Reminds me of the adage, "the shadow proves the sunshine". You can't have one and ignore the other. So very simply, do I steward rest well? Do I embrace all the parts that come with allowing me to understand and appreciate rest, or do I ignore the things that are painful and gut-wrenching and just focus on the superficial notions of rest that tend to blow away with any wind of discomfort or circumstance?
And now, I will go rest, because God knows, the last two days I've been embracing the discomfort and confusion!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day 6
Tonight is one of those nights my heart aches and I wish parenting was easy. We've once again come to a crossroads with Sam (my 8 year old) and his fear - of the unknown, of trying something new, of making decisions. I'm not going to go into it all because it's his business, but I'll share that we've been doing EVERYTHING we know to encourage him to take risks and trust God, so for his own sake, he will be less fearful as he grows up.
To see your child literally paralyzed by fear is heartbreaking. We get all sorts of advice and commentary on how to work or deal with him . . . none of it super helpful, and some just downright stupid and ignorant: "It's just a phase," "I was exactly like that as a child, I feel bad for him," "At least he's not bringing knives to school, now THAT'S a real issue that you should be worried about," "He just needs to confess his sin of idolatry before a real heart change can happen," "Your being shy is not glorifying to God," "He just needs to stop being selfish and get over it," "You need to stop talking to him about things and just make the decision for him." Again, real things said by real people about my real son . . . seriously?!?!? Heartbreaking.
Today's post won't be long, because I'm tired and sad and want to go to bed, but I'm reminded of Proverbs 4:23 which says after talking about striving for wisdom, "above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." As Sam's mom, my job at this stage in his life is to guard his heart. If his heart isn't protected, a path of destruction may be the trail he leaves in the future, as EVERYTHING he does will flow from the state of his heart. So this begs me to ask, am I stewarding my sons' hearts well? Am I pushing for things that are really helpful in the long run for them, or am I pushing because I fear what others think? If it's the latter, they will surely be consumed.
My prayer for both my boys, but for Sam in particular tonight, is that he "not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present (his) requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard (his) heart and (his) mind in Christ Jesus. (Sam), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:6-8).
To see your child literally paralyzed by fear is heartbreaking. We get all sorts of advice and commentary on how to work or deal with him . . . none of it super helpful, and some just downright stupid and ignorant: "It's just a phase," "I was exactly like that as a child, I feel bad for him," "At least he's not bringing knives to school, now THAT'S a real issue that you should be worried about," "He just needs to confess his sin of idolatry before a real heart change can happen," "Your being shy is not glorifying to God," "He just needs to stop being selfish and get over it," "You need to stop talking to him about things and just make the decision for him." Again, real things said by real people about my real son . . . seriously?!?!? Heartbreaking.
Today's post won't be long, because I'm tired and sad and want to go to bed, but I'm reminded of Proverbs 4:23 which says after talking about striving for wisdom, "above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." As Sam's mom, my job at this stage in his life is to guard his heart. If his heart isn't protected, a path of destruction may be the trail he leaves in the future, as EVERYTHING he does will flow from the state of his heart. So this begs me to ask, am I stewarding my sons' hearts well? Am I pushing for things that are really helpful in the long run for them, or am I pushing because I fear what others think? If it's the latter, they will surely be consumed.
My prayer for both my boys, but for Sam in particular tonight, is that he "not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present (his) requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard (his) heart and (his) mind in Christ Jesus. (Sam), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:6-8).
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Day 5
Whew . . . it's been a busy day! It was Freedom Sunday at church, then Formation Hour (where I get to teach little peeps to sing!), then our small group made lunch, ate lunch, and served lunch downtown to our friends without homes, home for pre-marital counseling with a lovely couple, quick stop by the neighbor's to catch up, downtown to Red Robin to celebrate our favorite 2 year old, then quick stop to Safeway to get a few groceries in the house before the week starts, groceries away and house picked up, kids ready for bed, and now a few minutes to write!
So an obvious focus today could be stewardship of time. But honestly, there's not one thing on that list that I didn't want to do and wasn't life-giving to me, so I'll focus on time at some other point. Rather, I find myself thinking of whether I steward the notion of being "fully-present" well. I can already tell you that this is an area I regularly fail in. People often just state that it's because I'm too busy, but I know people much more busy than me who are fully present and engaged every time you have a conversation with them. Real life humans. Jesus was an example of being full-present too, and He was one busy man! There are others I know who really aren't busy at all, and they too fail at being full-present, so busy-ness is not a very accurate indicator of whether one is fully-present or not.
There's a story in Matthew 17 that tells of a man who wants his son healed. He comes to Jesus after asking the disciples if they would do it. They couldn't. Having just come down with 3 of the disciples from a mountain and the "transfiguration" experience (you know, fulfilling prophesy and all), Jesus is bit frustrated with the disciples who weren't able to help this boy. Matthew 17:14-20 says,
14-16At the bottom of the mountain, they were met by a crowd of waiting people. As they approached, a man came out of the crowd and fell to his knees begging, "Master, have mercy on my son. He goes out of his mind and suffers terribly, falling into seizures. Frequently he is pitched into the fire, other times into the river. I brought him to your disciples, but they could do nothing for him."
17-18Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." He ordered the afflicting demon out—and it was out, gone. From that moment on the boy was well.
19When the disciples had Jesus off to themselves, they asked, "Why couldn't we throw it out?"
20"Because you're not yet taking God seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle." (The Message)
I used The Message translation here because I liked that the word "focus" was used. Here the disciples have been living, traveling, and working with Jesus for three years. You'd think they would have learned a few things, but they're ineffective and not able to help a boy in desperate need of freedom. Jesus is telling the disciples that the reason why is that they lack faith . . . they're unfocused in their learning, study, and knowledge of God, and without focus you can't really believe something.
Have you ever taken a test without studying for it? Sometimes you get a decent grade and sometimes you fail, but until you get the test back, your faith in how you did waivers, because you know you didn't give careful attention to the information or process. On the flip side, when you carefully study for a test and devote yourself to focusing on the details for that test, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you'll receive a good grade because you have faith in the process of studying and in the knowledge that you possess.
If we don't take the time to focus ourselves, whether it be in relationships, the Word of God, study of our culture, our prayer life, our marriages, our family, non-believers, our jobs, or whatever else captures our heart, then we're not going to have the firm confidence and faith that we will be effective and have the skills necessary to do the task set before us. So whether busy or not, I still have to discipline myself to learn to focus in small things and big things so that I can be "fully-present" in them and have the faith to carry out my calling. When Jesus sends a person to me that needs Him, I don't want to hem and haw about "gee, I wonder what Jesus wants me to do here. I think I remember Him saying something about something, or maybe that was only for certain people . . . now I'm confused, and this guy looks really messed up!" No, I want the full assurance that I studied God's instructions hard, and have the faith that His power is in me so that I too can move mountains and be able to tackle anything He asks me to do. I have so far to go!
ps- when i write these, i sometimes ask james questions about where to find something or the meaning of some specific word. he mentions things like "it depends" and tells me i can "cross-reference" a particular passage. we get into debates on hebrew words when i just want clear-cut answers saying "the bible shouldn't be this hard to understand"! he goes on about how people want the bible to just be a yes/no answer book for them. i usually tune him out at this point and say something like "i'm not writing a freakin' sermon. that's your job." just wanted to let you in on how a pastor and his obedient wife discuss this stuff! he LOVES these conversations! and i'm humble enough to tell you that if i get a particular reference wrong or you'd like to discuss a certain theological point, my pastor would love to take you to coffee and talk to you about it! (-;
So an obvious focus today could be stewardship of time. But honestly, there's not one thing on that list that I didn't want to do and wasn't life-giving to me, so I'll focus on time at some other point. Rather, I find myself thinking of whether I steward the notion of being "fully-present" well. I can already tell you that this is an area I regularly fail in. People often just state that it's because I'm too busy, but I know people much more busy than me who are fully present and engaged every time you have a conversation with them. Real life humans. Jesus was an example of being full-present too, and He was one busy man! There are others I know who really aren't busy at all, and they too fail at being full-present, so busy-ness is not a very accurate indicator of whether one is fully-present or not.
There's a story in Matthew 17 that tells of a man who wants his son healed. He comes to Jesus after asking the disciples if they would do it. They couldn't. Having just come down with 3 of the disciples from a mountain and the "transfiguration" experience (you know, fulfilling prophesy and all), Jesus is bit frustrated with the disciples who weren't able to help this boy. Matthew 17:14-20 says,
14-16At the bottom of the mountain, they were met by a crowd of waiting people. As they approached, a man came out of the crowd and fell to his knees begging, "Master, have mercy on my son. He goes out of his mind and suffers terribly, falling into seizures. Frequently he is pitched into the fire, other times into the river. I brought him to your disciples, but they could do nothing for him."
17-18Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring the boy here." He ordered the afflicting demon out—and it was out, gone. From that moment on the boy was well.
19When the disciples had Jesus off to themselves, they asked, "Why couldn't we throw it out?"
20"Because you're not yet taking God seriously," said Jesus. "The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle." (The Message)
I used The Message translation here because I liked that the word "focus" was used. Here the disciples have been living, traveling, and working with Jesus for three years. You'd think they would have learned a few things, but they're ineffective and not able to help a boy in desperate need of freedom. Jesus is telling the disciples that the reason why is that they lack faith . . . they're unfocused in their learning, study, and knowledge of God, and without focus you can't really believe something.
Have you ever taken a test without studying for it? Sometimes you get a decent grade and sometimes you fail, but until you get the test back, your faith in how you did waivers, because you know you didn't give careful attention to the information or process. On the flip side, when you carefully study for a test and devote yourself to focusing on the details for that test, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you'll receive a good grade because you have faith in the process of studying and in the knowledge that you possess.
If we don't take the time to focus ourselves, whether it be in relationships, the Word of God, study of our culture, our prayer life, our marriages, our family, non-believers, our jobs, or whatever else captures our heart, then we're not going to have the firm confidence and faith that we will be effective and have the skills necessary to do the task set before us. So whether busy or not, I still have to discipline myself to learn to focus in small things and big things so that I can be "fully-present" in them and have the faith to carry out my calling. When Jesus sends a person to me that needs Him, I don't want to hem and haw about "gee, I wonder what Jesus wants me to do here. I think I remember Him saying something about something, or maybe that was only for certain people . . . now I'm confused, and this guy looks really messed up!" No, I want the full assurance that I studied God's instructions hard, and have the faith that His power is in me so that I too can move mountains and be able to tackle anything He asks me to do. I have so far to go!
ps- when i write these, i sometimes ask james questions about where to find something or the meaning of some specific word. he mentions things like "it depends" and tells me i can "cross-reference" a particular passage. we get into debates on hebrew words when i just want clear-cut answers saying "the bible shouldn't be this hard to understand"! he goes on about how people want the bible to just be a yes/no answer book for them. i usually tune him out at this point and say something like "i'm not writing a freakin' sermon. that's your job." just wanted to let you in on how a pastor and his obedient wife discuss this stuff! he LOVES these conversations! and i'm humble enough to tell you that if i get a particular reference wrong or you'd like to discuss a certain theological point, my pastor would love to take you to coffee and talk to you about it! (-;
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Day 4
Ahhhh, after 13 days of being away, I'm home! The bags are all unpacked, the dirty clothes are in the laundry, the car is cleaned out, the mail is opened and sorted, everyone is jammied up, and we're enjoying a relatively quiet evening! I may even actually get this post done before 8 p.m. rather than 2 a.m.!!
So last night, I had the privilege and great joy, as alluded to in yesterday's post, to worship with my friends. These are friends who truly love Jesus and desire to make their lives centrally focused on Him, and then purpose their steps in obedience to what God is telling them. They are also passionate about music and the act of worshiping through music. We share this passion. I haven't sung with these two in this capacity for close to 8 years, and to come together filled up a place in me that I didn't realize was so empty. As I was singing, in a normal living room, with my normal friends, after a normal day of taking care of kids and doing school and traveling, that "normal" was transformed and we came before the presence of God. His presence was there because He was welcomed, and we were obedient with the gifts God gave to each of us. As we sang about the attributes of God, I thought . . . "this is a picture of the communion of saints." We could have chosen to watch a movie, go to bed, enjoy more conversation, play a game, and all would have been okay and good. But God gifted people in that group with amazing gifts of music and leadership and worship, and to ignore those gifts would have been a missed opportunity of praising God, encouraging one another, and celebrating the beauty of how God designed the body of Christ to grow and work together. We didn't sing because we're awesome. We sang because God is awesome. We sang because we appreciate (as much as our minds can comprehend) the complexities of how God knits gifts and talents together for the purpose of giving Him glory. All over the Psalms, we see this being carried out: Psalm 30:11-12, Psalm 68:26, Psalm 79:13 and Psalm 63:4, just to name a few.
1st Corinthians 12:12, 20, and 26 (and the whole chapter), all speak to this picture of "the communion of saints".
"12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
I got to truly rejoice with my brothers and sister because we belong to the same body. There are lots of other parts of this body too, ones who may not be gifted in music, but are gifted in teaching, administrating, interpreting, healing, and on and on. One part is not more important. One part is not unnecessary. The metaphorical grass is not greener if only I would have been given a different gift instead of this measly little one. But we often go in those three directions in our thinking, and it gets us, and therefore the church, in a world of trouble. We end up squandering gifts, wasting opportunities, disobeying the Spirit, frustrating other believers, tearing each other down, looking foolish, disjointed, and lacking unity and purpose.
Can you imagine what the early church would have been like if people had ignored the gifts and opportunities to grow and use what God had given them?
"Oh, Paul was thrown into prison again? Shoot, now look at all the work I'm gonna have to do to make sure his share gets done. Why does he have to be so vocal about Jesus anyway? If he'd just keep a lower profile . . . he always has to rock the boat." Or, "You just arrived from Samaria? Well, good luck finding a place to stay. We don't have any extra room. I'm already expected to take care of my in-laws, my 5 children, and I was assigned by Peter to help feed the poor . . . as if I have so much extra to give. Why can't I just bake the bread like Tabitha." With attitudes like that, people would have been tearing down the gates to join the Christian movement! Hmmmm, perhaps not! Yet this is how many in the church sound today, or even worse . . . "I've done my time, but someone needs to disciple those young Christians," "I'm not going to teach kids/adults about the Gospel, I spend the rest of the week teaching," "That person has no business singing a solo in church, their voice is just too breathy," "I don't have anything worthwhile to offer anyone else," "There's no way I'm gonna lead, nights and weekends are my time, and besides, I get enough headaches having to lead in my normal job," "I can't bring cookies, I already serve in the choir," "We can't have her on the stage even if she can sing. Have you seen her teeth?" "My past is so horrible, there's no way God would ever use me?" "Church is my time to be filled up, so someone else needs to take my kids," and on and on. One would think these are silly fictional anecdotes, but one would be wrong!
If we wish away our gifts, think they're unnecessary, or determine they are unimportant (either in ourselves or in others), we are denying the Body of Christ and how God designed for the church to work, AND robbing others of the gifts God put in us to help them, encourage them, and point them towards Christ Himself. We are stealing, from both God and those He loves. Who are we to think our gifts are our own? Who are we to think we know the mind of God and how He works? I want so badly for the church to get along. I crave for people to realize their God given potential and discover and develop the gifts God purposed for them to use. When they do, they find that sweet spot of "the communion of the saints" that is so clearly centralized on Christ, that "the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." So dear reader, do we steward our "gifts" well, or squander them away, consuming those around us with our lack of obedience?
So last night, I had the privilege and great joy, as alluded to in yesterday's post, to worship with my friends. These are friends who truly love Jesus and desire to make their lives centrally focused on Him, and then purpose their steps in obedience to what God is telling them. They are also passionate about music and the act of worshiping through music. We share this passion. I haven't sung with these two in this capacity for close to 8 years, and to come together filled up a place in me that I didn't realize was so empty. As I was singing, in a normal living room, with my normal friends, after a normal day of taking care of kids and doing school and traveling, that "normal" was transformed and we came before the presence of God. His presence was there because He was welcomed, and we were obedient with the gifts God gave to each of us. As we sang about the attributes of God, I thought . . . "this is a picture of the communion of saints." We could have chosen to watch a movie, go to bed, enjoy more conversation, play a game, and all would have been okay and good. But God gifted people in that group with amazing gifts of music and leadership and worship, and to ignore those gifts would have been a missed opportunity of praising God, encouraging one another, and celebrating the beauty of how God designed the body of Christ to grow and work together. We didn't sing because we're awesome. We sang because God is awesome. We sang because we appreciate (as much as our minds can comprehend) the complexities of how God knits gifts and talents together for the purpose of giving Him glory. All over the Psalms, we see this being carried out: Psalm 30:11-12, Psalm 68:26, Psalm 79:13 and Psalm 63:4, just to name a few.
1st Corinthians 12:12, 20, and 26 (and the whole chapter), all speak to this picture of "the communion of saints".
"12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."
I got to truly rejoice with my brothers and sister because we belong to the same body. There are lots of other parts of this body too, ones who may not be gifted in music, but are gifted in teaching, administrating, interpreting, healing, and on and on. One part is not more important. One part is not unnecessary. The metaphorical grass is not greener if only I would have been given a different gift instead of this measly little one. But we often go in those three directions in our thinking, and it gets us, and therefore the church, in a world of trouble. We end up squandering gifts, wasting opportunities, disobeying the Spirit, frustrating other believers, tearing each other down, looking foolish, disjointed, and lacking unity and purpose.
Can you imagine what the early church would have been like if people had ignored the gifts and opportunities to grow and use what God had given them?
"Oh, Paul was thrown into prison again? Shoot, now look at all the work I'm gonna have to do to make sure his share gets done. Why does he have to be so vocal about Jesus anyway? If he'd just keep a lower profile . . . he always has to rock the boat." Or, "You just arrived from Samaria? Well, good luck finding a place to stay. We don't have any extra room. I'm already expected to take care of my in-laws, my 5 children, and I was assigned by Peter to help feed the poor . . . as if I have so much extra to give. Why can't I just bake the bread like Tabitha." With attitudes like that, people would have been tearing down the gates to join the Christian movement! Hmmmm, perhaps not! Yet this is how many in the church sound today, or even worse . . . "I've done my time, but someone needs to disciple those young Christians," "I'm not going to teach kids/adults about the Gospel, I spend the rest of the week teaching," "That person has no business singing a solo in church, their voice is just too breathy," "I don't have anything worthwhile to offer anyone else," "There's no way I'm gonna lead, nights and weekends are my time, and besides, I get enough headaches having to lead in my normal job," "I can't bring cookies, I already serve in the choir," "We can't have her on the stage even if she can sing. Have you seen her teeth?" "My past is so horrible, there's no way God would ever use me?" "Church is my time to be filled up, so someone else needs to take my kids," and on and on. One would think these are silly fictional anecdotes, but one would be wrong!
If we wish away our gifts, think they're unnecessary, or determine they are unimportant (either in ourselves or in others), we are denying the Body of Christ and how God designed for the church to work, AND robbing others of the gifts God put in us to help them, encourage them, and point them towards Christ Himself. We are stealing, from both God and those He loves. Who are we to think our gifts are our own? Who are we to think we know the mind of God and how He works? I want so badly for the church to get along. I crave for people to realize their God given potential and discover and develop the gifts God purposed for them to use. When they do, they find that sweet spot of "the communion of the saints" that is so clearly centralized on Christ, that "the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." So dear reader, do we steward our "gifts" well, or squander them away, consuming those around us with our lack of obedience?
Day 3
So, this is a much more intangible thing to give up than last year, and it's honestly kind of hard to explain! I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to "measure" progress this time around. After thinking about my day, I think the overarching theme that pops up is relationships with friends.
Today was a day of visiting one of our fantastic cousins in Tacoma, then driving up to Seattle to visit some incredible friends. Both places felt like coming home. Both of these relationships run very deep for James and I, and yet we rarely get to see either of these families. Ironically, their lives parallel each other a bit due to their jobs and location and interests. Though our visits are few and far between and often last a little longer than the course of a meal, they're the kind of relationships we can go deep quickly with, can be authentic with, and know that no matter how much time passes, the relationship is still there. Since we were in Portland already and not too far from western Washington, we decided that it would be a good time to see if we could build in some longer visits with each family. It worked out, and our time has been so good! Conversation, food, walking, introducing Star Wars action figures (both new and old school), what God's teaching, meeting friends, worship, Mexican Train, cooking and cleaning, sharing recipes, cleaning up puke, being "pinned", reminiscing, doing pull ups, snuggin' babies and little girls, praying together, and laughing . . . this is managing a friendship well! I was blessed to be able to do it twice today!
But do I always? What about when friendships and lives get messy, busy, irritating, boring, painful, hurtful, and mean? Do I steward relationships well then? Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." Friend is translated as a close associate, neighbor, or companion. Someone you care for but aren't necessarily a comrade in arms with. Brother is translated as kinsmen, countryman, alike, and both literal and metaphorical brother. There's a heart connection with a brother. I've always read this verse in the context of "either/or" . . . either I have to choose my friend, or I have to choose my brother. Either I love unconditionally, or I'm not a real friend. When reading, I've also assumed that "brotherhood" type friendships are just bound to fail. Maybe, however, this verse means that those relationships closest to us where they're familial in nature and feel, are going to be the ones that are harder and more prone to face adversity. Because by their very nature there's more at risk due to the tight bonds, and therefore can cause more pain. I believe that this is why so many people shy away from those truly close "brother" friendships, because if you're more connected, there's a chance you'll get more hurt. Because of this, we need to work even harder, to make sure the relationship is valued and guarded well. We need to put at least the same effort into the relationships that we deem more casual in nature as we do with those closest to us that share our hearts. If we don't, perhaps this is where we squander and exhaust our friendships, consuming them till there's very little left.
Often for me, I allow my schedule and pace of life to get in the way of showing my love. I don't have a hard time loving people, either casual acquaintances, neighbors, heart friends, or family, but I have to remind myself that I need to show them my love. Sometimes this is a phone call, a drop by visit, a letter, a coffee date, a gift, asking about something they were concerned about the last time we talked, serving them in some way that's meaningful to them and not that's just easy for me, remembering little things that are important to them, taking the extra five minutes to hear a story, or owning up to my failure and saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me." These are little things that I can do to make sure I'm a good steward of the friendships God has given to me. One thing I've learned, good friendships aren't easy to come by and not everyone has them. Thankfully, I do. I have a responsibility to steward these relationships well though and to take initiative in them, or I risk them being consumed and destroyed completely.
As I was able to today, may I continue to take time for the friendships that mean the most to me as well as the ones that I pursue out of necessity or proximity. May God "teach (me) to number (my) days aright so that (I) may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12) and not overwhelm my schedule so much that I don't have time to attend to the people God has given me. This is one piece to the grid I'm assembling of stewarding vs. consuming. People are valuable and relationships take attention. Daily, I have a choice to make . . . either people are valuable to me, or they're not. I either give them my attention and love, or I don't. So often, people sit around waiting for the other party to take the first step. This is not good stewardship. Perhaps when intentional effort is made and trust builds, people finally get to experience the joy of deep, long-lasting, and meaningful relationships that can stand the test of time.
Today was a day of visiting one of our fantastic cousins in Tacoma, then driving up to Seattle to visit some incredible friends. Both places felt like coming home. Both of these relationships run very deep for James and I, and yet we rarely get to see either of these families. Ironically, their lives parallel each other a bit due to their jobs and location and interests. Though our visits are few and far between and often last a little longer than the course of a meal, they're the kind of relationships we can go deep quickly with, can be authentic with, and know that no matter how much time passes, the relationship is still there. Since we were in Portland already and not too far from western Washington, we decided that it would be a good time to see if we could build in some longer visits with each family. It worked out, and our time has been so good! Conversation, food, walking, introducing Star Wars action figures (both new and old school), what God's teaching, meeting friends, worship, Mexican Train, cooking and cleaning, sharing recipes, cleaning up puke, being "pinned", reminiscing, doing pull ups, snuggin' babies and little girls, praying together, and laughing . . . this is managing a friendship well! I was blessed to be able to do it twice today!
But do I always? What about when friendships and lives get messy, busy, irritating, boring, painful, hurtful, and mean? Do I steward relationships well then? Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." Friend is translated as a close associate, neighbor, or companion. Someone you care for but aren't necessarily a comrade in arms with. Brother is translated as kinsmen, countryman, alike, and both literal and metaphorical brother. There's a heart connection with a brother. I've always read this verse in the context of "either/or" . . . either I have to choose my friend, or I have to choose my brother. Either I love unconditionally, or I'm not a real friend. When reading, I've also assumed that "brotherhood" type friendships are just bound to fail. Maybe, however, this verse means that those relationships closest to us where they're familial in nature and feel, are going to be the ones that are harder and more prone to face adversity. Because by their very nature there's more at risk due to the tight bonds, and therefore can cause more pain. I believe that this is why so many people shy away from those truly close "brother" friendships, because if you're more connected, there's a chance you'll get more hurt. Because of this, we need to work even harder, to make sure the relationship is valued and guarded well. We need to put at least the same effort into the relationships that we deem more casual in nature as we do with those closest to us that share our hearts. If we don't, perhaps this is where we squander and exhaust our friendships, consuming them till there's very little left.
Often for me, I allow my schedule and pace of life to get in the way of showing my love. I don't have a hard time loving people, either casual acquaintances, neighbors, heart friends, or family, but I have to remind myself that I need to show them my love. Sometimes this is a phone call, a drop by visit, a letter, a coffee date, a gift, asking about something they were concerned about the last time we talked, serving them in some way that's meaningful to them and not that's just easy for me, remembering little things that are important to them, taking the extra five minutes to hear a story, or owning up to my failure and saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me." These are little things that I can do to make sure I'm a good steward of the friendships God has given to me. One thing I've learned, good friendships aren't easy to come by and not everyone has them. Thankfully, I do. I have a responsibility to steward these relationships well though and to take initiative in them, or I risk them being consumed and destroyed completely.
As I was able to today, may I continue to take time for the friendships that mean the most to me as well as the ones that I pursue out of necessity or proximity. May God "teach (me) to number (my) days aright so that (I) may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12) and not overwhelm my schedule so much that I don't have time to attend to the people God has given me. This is one piece to the grid I'm assembling of stewarding vs. consuming. People are valuable and relationships take attention. Daily, I have a choice to make . . . either people are valuable to me, or they're not. I either give them my attention and love, or I don't. So often, people sit around waiting for the other party to take the first step. This is not good stewardship. Perhaps when intentional effort is made and trust builds, people finally get to experience the joy of deep, long-lasting, and meaningful relationships that can stand the test of time.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Day 2
Okay, so technically it’s just 6 minutes since I stopped writing Day 1, but it is now Day 2, so I can start a new post! As I write, I’m sitting at our cousin’s house in Tacoma, after being gone from home for 10 days while James has had face-to-face time in Portland for seminary. I love these trips on so many different levels, and this time was no exception. But I have a lot of jumbledness in my brain, probably because of a lack of routine, so I’m going to write things down in list form to try to make sense of thoughts I’ve had prior to and while on this particular trip:
- Gift of health
- Story of redemption
- Frailty of life
- Smallness of the world, especially among believers
- I hate my car
- Immature faith communities
- Discipleship- messy, slow, misunderstood, and ignored
- Treadmill
- To work or not to work
- Gymnastics team
- Stages of the journey
- Biggest loser
- Flag page
- “7”- round two
- Ice packs
- Slavery and human trafficking
- Connections
- Tattoo
- Furthering relationships with M, S, R, L, C
- Kitchen makeover
- Courage
- CYT and camp
- Selfishness
- Trappings of cyclical poverty and ignorance
- Co-op or no co-op
- Children, both mine and others
After thinking on this list today, (it's now 11 pm again), I keep coming back to the idea of steward vs. consumer . . . I know, random, and seemingly not at all related to the above, but then you've never been in my brain! Very simply, a steward is an administrator while a consumer is one who squanders. I believe I am responsible to be an administrator with what God has entrusted to me rather than be a squanderer . . . but am I? Obviously I want to be. No one walks through this journey of life asking for things or acknowledging their things so they can turn around and exhaust, deplete, devour, or waste them (all synonyms for consume). No, we'd much rather hear that we managed, oversaw, had concern for, and were responsible with the things given to our care (all synonyms for steward). So I need to take a deep gut-check look at whether I really manage the things in my life well or whether I actually consume them. And by things in my life, a partial list includes: kids, hubby, home, God, stuff, food, family, friends, neighborhood, education, dog, cars, community, creation, church, people, talents, money, ministry, . . . and it could go on and on.
So, this is going to be my focus during Lent. I'm going to "give up" my rights of consuming (which is so prevalent in America AND the church), and I'm going to take a good hard look at what it means to be a steward and what it means to be a consumer, then apply what I learn to different areas of my life. I'm going to actively see what God has to say about it. I've heard for years what others have to say (or not say) and frankly, I'm tired of everyone else's opinions. I want to go to the Source, because He's the one who gave me all the "stuff" anyway. Hopefully by the end, I'll have some sort of grid in which I filter my life through so that the jumbledness that is my mind, is maintained and administrated well by this steward, rather than destroyed and exhausted by this consumer. Maybe if that happens, the things that occupy my space and thinking and priorities will become things that have great "Kingdom of God" value rather than "Kingdom of Abby" value.
- Gift of health
- Story of redemption
- Frailty of life
- Smallness of the world, especially among believers
- I hate my car
- Immature faith communities
- Discipleship- messy, slow, misunderstood, and ignored
- Treadmill
- To work or not to work
- Gymnastics team
- Stages of the journey
- Biggest loser
- Flag page
- “7”- round two
- Ice packs
- Slavery and human trafficking
- Connections
- Tattoo
- Furthering relationships with M, S, R, L, C
- Kitchen makeover
- Courage
- CYT and camp
- Selfishness
- Trappings of cyclical poverty and ignorance
- Co-op or no co-op
- Children, both mine and others
After thinking on this list today, (it's now 11 pm again), I keep coming back to the idea of steward vs. consumer . . . I know, random, and seemingly not at all related to the above, but then you've never been in my brain! Very simply, a steward is an administrator while a consumer is one who squanders. I believe I am responsible to be an administrator with what God has entrusted to me rather than be a squanderer . . . but am I? Obviously I want to be. No one walks through this journey of life asking for things or acknowledging their things so they can turn around and exhaust, deplete, devour, or waste them (all synonyms for consume). No, we'd much rather hear that we managed, oversaw, had concern for, and were responsible with the things given to our care (all synonyms for steward). So I need to take a deep gut-check look at whether I really manage the things in my life well or whether I actually consume them. And by things in my life, a partial list includes: kids, hubby, home, God, stuff, food, family, friends, neighborhood, education, dog, cars, community, creation, church, people, talents, money, ministry, . . . and it could go on and on.
So, this is going to be my focus during Lent. I'm going to "give up" my rights of consuming (which is so prevalent in America AND the church), and I'm going to take a good hard look at what it means to be a steward and what it means to be a consumer, then apply what I learn to different areas of my life. I'm going to actively see what God has to say about it. I've heard for years what others have to say (or not say) and frankly, I'm tired of everyone else's opinions. I want to go to the Source, because He's the one who gave me all the "stuff" anyway. Hopefully by the end, I'll have some sort of grid in which I filter my life through so that the jumbledness that is my mind, is maintained and administrated well by this steward, rather than destroyed and exhausted by this consumer. Maybe if that happens, the things that occupy my space and thinking and priorities will become things that have great "Kingdom of God" value rather than "Kingdom of Abby" value.
Day 1- LENT 2012
So here I am again, contemplating Lent. Last year had such a profound impact on me that I would be remiss not to engage in it again. The problem is, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve had several things on my mind over the last year, and honestly, I’m not sure what God is telling me. And now, all of sudden, today’s the day. I’m ashamed to say that it snuck up on me without my noticing, and therefore I feel rushed in having to make a decision, because as anyone who knows me knows, I follow the rules. But I’ve been thinking about which “thing” I want to do or give up, and it’s now 11:30 pm and I still have no idea. So I’m going to write here, and maybe it will help center my thoughts.
As a reminder, last year I embarked on the extreme version of the Daniel Fast with James. You can read all about it on this same blog. Though proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve done in a great while, great things came from this fast for me. (And by “great”, I don’t mean limitless blessings and at-a-girl pats on the back). In fact, the lessons learned took more of the form of “you handled a little well, now here comes a lot!” I learned I actually have self-discipline. I learned that I can actually change my “norms” and lead a healthier life (after last year’s fast, I continued much of the diet constraints, incorporating them into my regular routine, and added a serious desire and follow-through of working out, which resulted in dropping 40 pounds since last February). I learned I am a pretty decent writer, and it’s a good medium for me to think and communicate. I learned the real blessing of Sabbath. I learned saying “no” is a rare thing in our society and my life, and that saying it is not only necessary, but spiritually mature. And I learned that when I give things up, I give God space to work in me . . . and work in me He did over the last twelve months. I had to dig deep within myself this last year and consciously choose to continue certain things, and not engage in others . . . and they were things I NEVER thought I’d ever consider. Looking back now, last year’s Lent was a time of preparing me for what I would have to come face to face with this year in myself. What I saw was not the image I thought I would find. It shook me to the core, and thankfully I’ll never be the same again.
So, back to now. I keep wondering what I need to give up, and what areas need to be grown in me. What am I holding on to that’s become an idol to me? Something “foodish” continually comes to mind because of the built-in constant reminder of needing to eat multiple times a day, which makes it annoying yet easy at the same time, but I did that last year , and I crave originality. Media . . . because that’s a predictably obvious one that our culture can afford to take a look at. Waste, but now I’m just sounding like a carbon-copy of Jen Hatmaker and her book “7” . . . again, originality. (However, part of the wrestling done this last year revolved around this book, which I HIGHLY recommend)! So here I sit, 3 minutes until Day 2, and I still don’t know. I think I’m going to have to go with “the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law” this time, because I want this to actually mean something. So I am starting my official time of Lent in a spirit of deep contemplation, not yet knowing what God has in store for me. Know that as soon as I know, I’ll share.
As a reminder, last year I embarked on the extreme version of the Daniel Fast with James. You can read all about it on this same blog. Though proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve done in a great while, great things came from this fast for me. (And by “great”, I don’t mean limitless blessings and at-a-girl pats on the back). In fact, the lessons learned took more of the form of “you handled a little well, now here comes a lot!” I learned I actually have self-discipline. I learned that I can actually change my “norms” and lead a healthier life (after last year’s fast, I continued much of the diet constraints, incorporating them into my regular routine, and added a serious desire and follow-through of working out, which resulted in dropping 40 pounds since last February). I learned I am a pretty decent writer, and it’s a good medium for me to think and communicate. I learned the real blessing of Sabbath. I learned saying “no” is a rare thing in our society and my life, and that saying it is not only necessary, but spiritually mature. And I learned that when I give things up, I give God space to work in me . . . and work in me He did over the last twelve months. I had to dig deep within myself this last year and consciously choose to continue certain things, and not engage in others . . . and they were things I NEVER thought I’d ever consider. Looking back now, last year’s Lent was a time of preparing me for what I would have to come face to face with this year in myself. What I saw was not the image I thought I would find. It shook me to the core, and thankfully I’ll never be the same again.
So, back to now. I keep wondering what I need to give up, and what areas need to be grown in me. What am I holding on to that’s become an idol to me? Something “foodish” continually comes to mind because of the built-in constant reminder of needing to eat multiple times a day, which makes it annoying yet easy at the same time, but I did that last year , and I crave originality. Media . . . because that’s a predictably obvious one that our culture can afford to take a look at. Waste, but now I’m just sounding like a carbon-copy of Jen Hatmaker and her book “7” . . . again, originality. (However, part of the wrestling done this last year revolved around this book, which I HIGHLY recommend)! So here I sit, 3 minutes until Day 2, and I still don’t know. I think I’m going to have to go with “the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law” this time, because I want this to actually mean something. So I am starting my official time of Lent in a spirit of deep contemplation, not yet knowing what God has in store for me. Know that as soon as I know, I’ll share.
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