Day 3

So, this is a much more intangible thing to give up than last year, and it's honestly kind of hard to explain! I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to "measure" progress this time around. After thinking about my day, I think the overarching theme that pops up is relationships with friends.

Today was a day of visiting one of our fantastic cousins in Tacoma, then driving up to Seattle to visit some incredible friends. Both places felt like coming home. Both of these relationships run very deep for James and I, and yet we rarely get to see either of these families. Ironically, their lives parallel each other a bit due to their jobs and location and interests. Though our visits are few and far between and often last a little longer than the course of a meal, they're the kind of relationships we can go deep quickly with, can be authentic with, and know that no matter how much time passes, the relationship is still there. Since we were in Portland already and not too far from western Washington, we decided that it would be a good time to see if we could build in some longer visits with each family. It worked out, and our time has been so good! Conversation, food, walking, introducing Star Wars action figures (both new and old school), what God's teaching, meeting friends, worship, Mexican Train, cooking and cleaning, sharing recipes, cleaning up puke, being "pinned", reminiscing, doing pull ups, snuggin' babies and little girls, praying together, and laughing . . . this is managing a friendship well! I was blessed to be able to do it twice today!

But do I always? What about when friendships and lives get messy, busy, irritating, boring, painful, hurtful, and mean? Do I steward relationships well then? Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." Friend is translated as a close associate, neighbor, or companion. Someone you care for but aren't necessarily a comrade in arms with. Brother is translated as kinsmen, countryman, alike, and both literal and metaphorical brother. There's a heart connection with a brother. I've always read this verse in the context of "either/or" . . . either I have to choose my friend, or I have to choose my brother. Either I love unconditionally, or I'm not a real friend. When reading, I've also assumed that "brotherhood" type friendships are just bound to fail. Maybe, however, this verse means that those relationships closest to us where they're familial in nature and feel, are going to be the ones that are harder and more prone to face adversity. Because by their very nature there's more at risk due to the tight bonds, and therefore can cause more pain. I believe that this is why so many people shy away from those truly close "brother" friendships, because if you're more connected, there's a chance you'll get more hurt. Because of this, we need to work even harder, to make sure the relationship is valued and guarded well. We need to put at least the same effort into the relationships that we deem more casual in nature as we do with those closest to us that share our hearts. If we don't, perhaps this is where we squander and exhaust our friendships, consuming them till there's very little left.

Often for me, I allow my schedule and pace of life to get in the way of showing my love. I don't have a hard time loving people, either casual acquaintances, neighbors, heart friends, or family, but I have to remind myself that I need to show them my love. Sometimes this is a phone call, a drop by visit, a letter, a coffee date, a gift, asking about something they were concerned about the last time we talked, serving them in some way that's meaningful to them and not that's just easy for me, remembering little things that are important to them, taking the extra five minutes to hear a story, or owning up to my failure and saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me." These are little things that I can do to make sure I'm a good steward of the friendships God has given to me. One thing I've learned, good friendships aren't easy to come by and not everyone has them. Thankfully, I do. I have a responsibility to steward these relationships well though and to take initiative in them, or I risk them being consumed and destroyed completely.

As I was able to today, may I continue to take time for the friendships that mean the most to me as well as the ones that I pursue out of necessity or proximity. May God "teach (me) to number (my) days aright so that (I) may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12) and not overwhelm my schedule so much that I don't have time to attend to the people God has given me. This is one piece to the grid I'm assembling of stewarding vs. consuming. People are valuable and relationships take attention. Daily, I have a choice to make . . . either people are valuable to me, or they're not. I either give them my attention and love, or I don't. So often, people sit around waiting for the other party to take the first step. This is not good stewardship. Perhaps when intentional effort is made and trust builds, people finally get to experience the joy of deep, long-lasting, and meaningful relationships that can stand the test of time.