So here I am again, contemplating Lent. Last year had such a profound impact on me that I would be remiss not to engage in it again. The problem is, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve had several things on my mind over the last year, and honestly, I’m not sure what God is telling me. And now, all of sudden, today’s the day. I’m ashamed to say that it snuck up on me without my noticing, and therefore I feel rushed in having to make a decision, because as anyone who knows me knows, I follow the rules. But I’ve been thinking about which “thing” I want to do or give up, and it’s now 11:30 pm and I still have no idea. So I’m going to write here, and maybe it will help center my thoughts.
As a reminder, last year I embarked on the extreme version of the Daniel Fast with James. You can read all about it on this same blog. Though proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve done in a great while, great things came from this fast for me. (And by “great”, I don’t mean limitless blessings and at-a-girl pats on the back). In fact, the lessons learned took more of the form of “you handled a little well, now here comes a lot!” I learned I actually have self-discipline. I learned that I can actually change my “norms” and lead a healthier life (after last year’s fast, I continued much of the diet constraints, incorporating them into my regular routine, and added a serious desire and follow-through of working out, which resulted in dropping 40 pounds since last February). I learned I am a pretty decent writer, and it’s a good medium for me to think and communicate. I learned the real blessing of Sabbath. I learned saying “no” is a rare thing in our society and my life, and that saying it is not only necessary, but spiritually mature. And I learned that when I give things up, I give God space to work in me . . . and work in me He did over the last twelve months. I had to dig deep within myself this last year and consciously choose to continue certain things, and not engage in others . . . and they were things I NEVER thought I’d ever consider. Looking back now, last year’s Lent was a time of preparing me for what I would have to come face to face with this year in myself. What I saw was not the image I thought I would find. It shook me to the core, and thankfully I’ll never be the same again.
So, back to now. I keep wondering what I need to give up, and what areas need to be grown in me. What am I holding on to that’s become an idol to me? Something “foodish” continually comes to mind because of the built-in constant reminder of needing to eat multiple times a day, which makes it annoying yet easy at the same time, but I did that last year , and I crave originality. Media . . . because that’s a predictably obvious one that our culture can afford to take a look at. Waste, but now I’m just sounding like a carbon-copy of Jen Hatmaker and her book “7” . . . again, originality. (However, part of the wrestling done this last year revolved around this book, which I HIGHLY recommend)! So here I sit, 3 minutes until Day 2, and I still don’t know. I think I’m going to have to go with “the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law” this time, because I want this to actually mean something. So I am starting my official time of Lent in a spirit of deep contemplation, not yet knowing what God has in store for me. Know that as soon as I know, I’ll share.
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