Well, my journey has come to an end! Today is the last day of Lent, and tomorrow, I get to celebrate my risen Lord! HALLELUJAH!!! It has been a long and good journey. I'm sure there will be parts of what I learned that will be easily forgotten, which is one reason I'm glad I wrote every day, so I can go back and remember. There are other parts that have become part of who I am now, and that's a good thing! I have to be honest, I'm really excited about little things, like being able to eat cottage cheese and chicken, bread and jelly, tea and coffee. However, there's also part of me that's scared that life will go back to what it was before this little experiment, both physically and spiritually. I don't want that!
This has definitely shown me alot about myself, some good, some not, and has made it evident to me that I don't have to live the way so many around me live. It's been a natural kickstart in terms of bettering my health, and now I'm motivated to keep it up. It's been way more difficult spiritually than I was expecting, but that's actually been a huge necessity for me! It's been far too long since I've been challenged in that department! And emotionally, I knew I had it in me, but it's honestly a little annoying to become one of those "goal" people. I don't know why, it just is to me. I've really loved writing every night about the experience, and that part I'll really miss! Perhaps I'll have to keep writing from time to time when the mood strikes me.
The question I keep asking myself is, "will you do Lent again?" The answer is, definitely yes, but not necessarily every single year, because it's expected. I don't like doing the expected. I can very accurately state, however, that I will never do the Daniel Fast for 46 days again!!! A week or so at a time, perhaps, but this was crazy!
So, thank you for being part of this journey with me! Sometimes, even though I didn't know who all was reading this, it was this phantom audience that I knew I would bare my soul to that kept me from caving in or caused me to go on and dig a little deeper within myself. And for that I'm grateful, because when I did dig deeper, I found the One that would grow me, challenge me, and shape me. May that part not stop! I hope you not only enjoyed reading my experiences and thoughts, but perhaps grew in your own faith walk and journey because of something I said or thought or did. If you haven't yet been able to tell, I'm a big advocate in doing this thing called life together and doing it by being real. I guess that's part of how God made me and part of how my parents' shaped me. I'm so grateful for that!
So, as you do whatever it is you're gonna do tomorrow, I pray that you'll have an encounter with the God who loved you so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for you. I pray you'll not only celebrate, but take the time to fully live!
journeying with you,
abby
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Day 45
Today is Good Friday. Not entirely sure why they call it that. Nothing really great about a crucifixion in and of itself. Thankfully, one crucifixion in particular was pretty spectacular! Maybe that's why they call it Good.
I had a good day with the family today, then headed over to church for our Good Friday service. We decided to watch Mel Gibson's version of the Passion of the Christ as a church this year for our service. I gotta be honest, I was super excited to watch it again, b/c it's been quite some time since I've seen it. It's just not one of those movies you watch over and over again, but from time to time, it's a good reminder of the brutality that Jesus went through. Apparently though, not all were on the same page of my excitement.
I think most people either had the, "been there, seen that" attitude, or the "it's too graphic" mentality. I know there were other reasons too, but honestly I think most people would rather focus on the resurrection of Christ and not the actual suffering and brutality He went through on our behalf. Irregardless, those that weren't there missed out. Even though nothing about this service went right, technical difficulties up the kazoo, people were late, people didn't show up, and people left because they had other things to do, it was still an incredibly moving time! There's something about watching a movie like "The Passion" in a public setting with the people you worship Christ with on a daily/weekly basis. It makes your being together matter. I don't know, something about the "communion of saints."
As I watched the movie, I was struck by several things. First, I wonder how that guard's life was changed after Peter cut off his ear and then Jesus healed it. Talk about a potential change of mission! His job was to arrest Jesus. Then that same prisoner is healing a major life-altering wound on his captor. It had to have an effect! I look forward to hearing someday what it was.
I was also struck by the relationship between Jesus and his mom this time. Last time I saw the movie, I was a mom, but just barely with Sam. Now I get it a little more. I think people forget how hard it must have been for Jesus watching His mom suffer while watching her son die. Even though Jesus was very sure of who He was and where He came from, Mary was still His mom. That's a sacred thing, the bond between a mother and a child. The emotions and temptations surrounding that had to be horrifyingly painful.
Thirdly, I really understood and experienced the lyrics to the hymn "Were You There?" I had the full on "tremble" going on as I watched this scene unfold again, and I was only watching one person's depiction of it on a screen. Can you imagine actually being there and watching this all take place? I truly believe it would seriously cause me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Finally, I was vehemently furious with those who were taunting, condemning, jeering, accusing, spitting on, beating, and berating Jesus. I wanted to stand up and defend and protect Him, both verbally and physically. I pray that I would. However, as I was sitting there outraged, the lyrics to one of my favorite songs popped in my head, and I realized, I was one of those in the crowd doing exactly what I hated. Perhaps my name should be Peter . . .
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
How deep the Father's love for us.
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss.
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life.
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ!
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.
I am so grateful for the sacrifice Christ made for me. Words can never fully express how much. And I'm very very grateful that this year in particular, I really got it! Maybe this is the real merit of Lent. Because not only did I get a night of preparing my heart for the mysterious miracle that we celebrate on Sunday, but I had over a full month of intentional preparation, which has just made it all so very alive and "mission changing" for me! Thank you, thank you Jesus!
I had a good day with the family today, then headed over to church for our Good Friday service. We decided to watch Mel Gibson's version of the Passion of the Christ as a church this year for our service. I gotta be honest, I was super excited to watch it again, b/c it's been quite some time since I've seen it. It's just not one of those movies you watch over and over again, but from time to time, it's a good reminder of the brutality that Jesus went through. Apparently though, not all were on the same page of my excitement.
I think most people either had the, "been there, seen that" attitude, or the "it's too graphic" mentality. I know there were other reasons too, but honestly I think most people would rather focus on the resurrection of Christ and not the actual suffering and brutality He went through on our behalf. Irregardless, those that weren't there missed out. Even though nothing about this service went right, technical difficulties up the kazoo, people were late, people didn't show up, and people left because they had other things to do, it was still an incredibly moving time! There's something about watching a movie like "The Passion" in a public setting with the people you worship Christ with on a daily/weekly basis. It makes your being together matter. I don't know, something about the "communion of saints."
As I watched the movie, I was struck by several things. First, I wonder how that guard's life was changed after Peter cut off his ear and then Jesus healed it. Talk about a potential change of mission! His job was to arrest Jesus. Then that same prisoner is healing a major life-altering wound on his captor. It had to have an effect! I look forward to hearing someday what it was.
I was also struck by the relationship between Jesus and his mom this time. Last time I saw the movie, I was a mom, but just barely with Sam. Now I get it a little more. I think people forget how hard it must have been for Jesus watching His mom suffer while watching her son die. Even though Jesus was very sure of who He was and where He came from, Mary was still His mom. That's a sacred thing, the bond between a mother and a child. The emotions and temptations surrounding that had to be horrifyingly painful.
Thirdly, I really understood and experienced the lyrics to the hymn "Were You There?" I had the full on "tremble" going on as I watched this scene unfold again, and I was only watching one person's depiction of it on a screen. Can you imagine actually being there and watching this all take place? I truly believe it would seriously cause me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Finally, I was vehemently furious with those who were taunting, condemning, jeering, accusing, spitting on, beating, and berating Jesus. I wanted to stand up and defend and protect Him, both verbally and physically. I pray that I would. However, as I was sitting there outraged, the lyrics to one of my favorite songs popped in my head, and I realized, I was one of those in the crowd doing exactly what I hated. Perhaps my name should be Peter . . .
How Deep the Father's Love for Us
How deep the Father's love for us.
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss.
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life.
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ!
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.
I am so grateful for the sacrifice Christ made for me. Words can never fully express how much. And I'm very very grateful that this year in particular, I really got it! Maybe this is the real merit of Lent. Because not only did I get a night of preparing my heart for the mysterious miracle that we celebrate on Sunday, but I had over a full month of intentional preparation, which has just made it all so very alive and "mission changing" for me! Thank you, thank you Jesus!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day 44
Tonight, we decided to break our fast with Sabbath a day early. Then Saturday, we're going to do a total fast, except for water, so that come Easter, we'll truly be able to celebrate! It seemed kinda silly and anti-climatic to do this for 40+ days then not even have Easter break the fast. So, tonight, we partook (not even sure it's a word, but it's fun to say!) in Costco's amazing pizza and enjoyed family night the way it should be done!
I'm really looking forward to seeing "Passion of the Christ" tomorrow for our Good Friday service. I haven't seen the movie in years, and I actually want the visual of it this year. It's gonna be powerful, at least for me!
I'm really looking forward to seeing "Passion of the Christ" tomorrow for our Good Friday service. I haven't seen the movie in years, and I actually want the visual of it this year. It's gonna be powerful, at least for me!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Day 43
Holy lots of music batman! It's AWESOME!! There's just some things in life that I get really excited about, and singing is one of them! There will be lots of singing at our church on Easter Sunday, so if you like to sing, come join us! Or if you like really really great stories, you'll get that too!
I'm really excited about Easter this year! And not just because I get to eat like a normal person again! I definitely feel more prepared for the celebration than I have in years of late, and for that I'm grateful! I'm excited to be with my family of faith and worship Christ the risen king!
I'm really excited about Easter this year! And not just because I get to eat like a normal person again! I definitely feel more prepared for the celebration than I have in years of late, and for that I'm grateful! I'm excited to be with my family of faith and worship Christ the risen king!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Day 42
I wonder when I get to just enjoy me for me. You know, without trying to rediscover myself and change all these things about me. For some reason, even though I was all screwed up and sinful, God thought I was worth it, even with all the garbage and imperfections and annoyances. Dare I say it, the Bible even says He delights in us. So why do we constantly compare, scrutinize, pick at, trash, and berate ourselves? I truly think most people believe that God would like them better if they were more . . . something (go ahead and insert whatever word you want here, be it secular or in christianese). I don't think we'd say that with our heads, but it's how most people act, even ones who know better. Why do we believe that? Who taught us that? Whoever it was, I seriously want to punch them in the face! Somehow, people have come to believe that if they do something a certain way, they'll get something good, or bad, from God. Rather than the truth, which is if we let God in, He'll change us to reflect Himself. He's that good at what He does. It's not complex. But it's very profound. So I'm gonna spend some more time thanking Him for making me just the way I am, and enjoying that person. If you don't like it, take it up with my Creator!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Day 41
I've been looking at this blank screen for 5 minutes now and I still don't have a clue as to what to write about. I was playing the piano tonight and missed my friend Josephine big time. I want her back. I found out tonight that one of our little kiddos on Sam's soccer team has cystic fibrosis, as does his sister, and I am totally blown away, stunned, and sad. I think of people who are going through and living through serious serious issues, and I think, "seriously, people are complaining about the weather?!?!" I know that God's grace is sufficient for all these things, but sometimes it's just hard.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Day 40
Today is day 40!! I think that's all I really signed up for! But alas, I'll stick with it and do the final week! I ran/walked the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this morning with my sissy-in-law! Fun time catching up with one of my favorite people that I don't see nearly enough of! I then came home, promptly broke my camera (though I swear it wasn't a sabotage attempt!) and then vegged the rest of the day because we needed it! Secretariat- good movie. Tron- stupid movie. I have the post Sabbath stomach churnings with too much food from Sabbath and too many vegetables the day after. Will be glad when that lovely phenomenon comes to a halt! Technically I only have 7 more pounds to drop before I'm out of the pre-diabetic zone!! Though I've never tested high on any diabetic tests, including when I was preggo, I know that weight has a HUGE amount to do with type 2 diabetes, so I'm getting it down to lessen the odds even more! It would be awesome if I could get it down by next Sunday! If not though, I'll keep at it, b/c believe me, 7 pounds is not the end goal for this body! I won't say what is, b/c frankly that's just humiliating, but nevertheless, more will come! So, that's all I have for now. I'm going to bed now. I'm 2 minutes past my goal for bed, but I wanted to make sure I wrote something. Nite nite!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Day 39
Phew!! That was one busy day, but it was so good! Sam had a soccer game, JJ had a soccer game, lunch with my in-laws, James led a graveside service for our friend then made it up to Sam's second game which he coached, then we raced home to get ready for a memorial service at the church, then fellowship time with friends and family afterward, help clean up, race home to change and get kiddos situated (thanks shannon and laura!), then out for a friends' 40th surprise birthday party, home, kids showered, jammied, and in bed (along with a few meltdowns), prep for sermon and prep for Race for the Cure race!! Like I said, Phew!! Every thing we did today, though, was good, and I'd do it all over again too! One of the things I love best about being a human are relationships, even though they're also one of the hardest things about being a human. Today was a relationship day! I get fired up about relationship days. They fill me up so much. It also takes me a long time to come down after a big day like this. I'm sure I'll have something very wise to share once I process all the conversations I had today and all the interactions I had, but for now, I'm just gonna enjoy the end of a day well spent!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Day 38
Woo-Hoo!! TWO MORE DAYS!!! Actually, that's not at all true b/c this little shindig is actually more than 40 days long! But I am in the single digits now! 8 more days till Easter! To be honest though, the whole food thing hasn't even been a struggle for me lately. It's just become a normal, which is a really really good thing! I've lost 23 pounds, and that too is a really really good thing!! Just think how much more I will lose when I actually start exercising again! That, however, means I need to find some time in my days that can be devoted to me when the gym is actually open! That's a little more difficult. I no longer say "it can't happen", however, b/c these last 38 days have proved otherwise!
So, I've really been struck this week with the overall frailty of life, specifically our human bodies. Obviously our friends' death this week puts a notion like this in the forefront of my mind, but it's not the only reason I've been pondering it. I think of how after a major trauma to a body, common things more easily attack that same body. I think about how after only 30 years, your body starts aching and paining in a way that it never has before, as if you're actually getting old. At 30! I think of how we spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on getting well or making ourselves better, when it could all be gone in the blink of an eye. I wonder, would I have had that procedure or operation or test if I had known I'd only reap the benefits of it for _____ number of months or years? My answer is almost always, yes, b/c I'm just a hopeful, live to the fullest type of person.
But I also think, if our bodies are this weak, this fickle, and this temporary, we'd better be darn sure we're not just living for the here and now of where our bodies reside, because that certainly isn't anything to bank on or put stock in! There's no guarantee it will last. In fact, we know it won't. The question then is for how long? Whether I get 7 days or 70 years left on this earth, I had better be sure that I know why I'm here, what my purpose is, and get to actually living it out! Because once we're gone, our job here is done, not necessarily in the "completed" sense, but definitely in the "it's over" sense. When this body is done and gone, I want to be sure that I have done everything I could to bring those God put me in contact with to have had a chance to choose Jesus for themselves. Because the reality is, that when our bodies are done, it's not the end of our story. We'll be dealt with. But no longer will we be able to tell others' our story or ask them if they want to come with us. That part will be over. And though I can't wait for the part that comes next, I really want to be sure that the part I'm supposed to do now is actually getting done, and getting done well! So even though we often think of ourselves as invincible and with seemingly endless amounts of time still, our bodies are still frail things that will only last for so long. Are we giving enough attention and enough opportunities to the stuff that will last forever?
So, I've really been struck this week with the overall frailty of life, specifically our human bodies. Obviously our friends' death this week puts a notion like this in the forefront of my mind, but it's not the only reason I've been pondering it. I think of how after a major trauma to a body, common things more easily attack that same body. I think about how after only 30 years, your body starts aching and paining in a way that it never has before, as if you're actually getting old. At 30! I think of how we spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on getting well or making ourselves better, when it could all be gone in the blink of an eye. I wonder, would I have had that procedure or operation or test if I had known I'd only reap the benefits of it for _____ number of months or years? My answer is almost always, yes, b/c I'm just a hopeful, live to the fullest type of person.
But I also think, if our bodies are this weak, this fickle, and this temporary, we'd better be darn sure we're not just living for the here and now of where our bodies reside, because that certainly isn't anything to bank on or put stock in! There's no guarantee it will last. In fact, we know it won't. The question then is for how long? Whether I get 7 days or 70 years left on this earth, I had better be sure that I know why I'm here, what my purpose is, and get to actually living it out! Because once we're gone, our job here is done, not necessarily in the "completed" sense, but definitely in the "it's over" sense. When this body is done and gone, I want to be sure that I have done everything I could to bring those God put me in contact with to have had a chance to choose Jesus for themselves. Because the reality is, that when our bodies are done, it's not the end of our story. We'll be dealt with. But no longer will we be able to tell others' our story or ask them if they want to come with us. That part will be over. And though I can't wait for the part that comes next, I really want to be sure that the part I'm supposed to do now is actually getting done, and getting done well! So even though we often think of ourselves as invincible and with seemingly endless amounts of time still, our bodies are still frail things that will only last for so long. Are we giving enough attention and enough opportunities to the stuff that will last forever?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 37
Not a profound post tonight, but I said I'd do it every day. Ready for a weekend for our weekend that hasn't even happened yet. But I kinda talked about that last night. Seriously having a getting warm problem. Talked about that alot too. Excited about our Sabbath tomorrow night. Same old same old. Gotta get me some new material here!! Till then . . . !
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Day 36
"I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy, more than a bumblebee, more than an ant!" Thankfully though, not too much to take the moments to help my friend with a shoe on his head up out of a hole!
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you obviously haven't had young children in the last 10 or so years, or aren't familiar with VeggieTales! I feel like I'm on cruise control right now. I know I'm not the only one either. I look at James and tell him he has to stop and rest, but know that he really can't without dropping a very important ball. And how is one to choose which one to drop? In some ways, cruise control is okay, b/c you're still making forward progress, but it's also unsettling b/c you aren't really in total control.
I have to wonder, the weeks leading up to Christ's death, was He ever on cruise control? I mean, the guy was a busy dude, and He knew what was coming . . . not really something to look forward to, crucifixion. People like to say that it was easy for Him b/c He was God. He knew the end result, He knew the purpose, He was in control. I think those people forget that Jesus was fully human too, and experienced our emotions. I'm sure He was scared. I'm sure He fully felt pain. I'm sure He felt dread. I'm sure He racked His brain for some other alternative. I'm sure there was a time when He possibly wished He could take a few moments to gather His wits about Him. There may have even been a moment when for the hundredth time the disciples asked Him a silly question, he wondered, "seriously? Are they worth this?"
I believe Jesus was on cruise control, but the difference between Him and often times us, is who we let do the controlling. When He stopped to make sure all systems were go, He didn't just check in with the gauge in front of Him. They were all sleeping or busy betraying Him. Instead, He had some moments alone and checked with the One who wrote the manual. He implored the Creator and Designer of the plan to see if there was any other way to do this thing. And the answer was, "no. This is it. This is the only way it can happen." And so, Jesus tuned back in, checked in with those He loved, and plowed forward with the plan. And I think it's at that point, Jesus may have turned off cruise control. And for me, I think that in order to really understand, as much as I can, what Jesus did on the cross, I have to believe that He, in His own power and will, because He knew it was the only way, decided to carry out the plan to suffer and die on the cross for my sins.
So, on days when my life seems to be on cruise control, I'm okay with that, even if it's unsettling, as long as the the cruise control is operated by the Creator of the plan.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you obviously haven't had young children in the last 10 or so years, or aren't familiar with VeggieTales! I feel like I'm on cruise control right now. I know I'm not the only one either. I look at James and tell him he has to stop and rest, but know that he really can't without dropping a very important ball. And how is one to choose which one to drop? In some ways, cruise control is okay, b/c you're still making forward progress, but it's also unsettling b/c you aren't really in total control.
I have to wonder, the weeks leading up to Christ's death, was He ever on cruise control? I mean, the guy was a busy dude, and He knew what was coming . . . not really something to look forward to, crucifixion. People like to say that it was easy for Him b/c He was God. He knew the end result, He knew the purpose, He was in control. I think those people forget that Jesus was fully human too, and experienced our emotions. I'm sure He was scared. I'm sure He fully felt pain. I'm sure He felt dread. I'm sure He racked His brain for some other alternative. I'm sure there was a time when He possibly wished He could take a few moments to gather His wits about Him. There may have even been a moment when for the hundredth time the disciples asked Him a silly question, he wondered, "seriously? Are they worth this?"
I believe Jesus was on cruise control, but the difference between Him and often times us, is who we let do the controlling. When He stopped to make sure all systems were go, He didn't just check in with the gauge in front of Him. They were all sleeping or busy betraying Him. Instead, He had some moments alone and checked with the One who wrote the manual. He implored the Creator and Designer of the plan to see if there was any other way to do this thing. And the answer was, "no. This is it. This is the only way it can happen." And so, Jesus tuned back in, checked in with those He loved, and plowed forward with the plan. And I think it's at that point, Jesus may have turned off cruise control. And for me, I think that in order to really understand, as much as I can, what Jesus did on the cross, I have to believe that He, in His own power and will, because He knew it was the only way, decided to carry out the plan to suffer and die on the cross for my sins.
So, on days when my life seems to be on cruise control, I'm okay with that, even if it's unsettling, as long as the the cruise control is operated by the Creator of the plan.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Day 35
I'm really glad that Jesus was an advocate for rest! I'm gonna take Him up on that right now!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Day 34
Death is a very strange thing. Sometimes you're ready for it, and sometimes you're not. Both ways have drawbacks and benefits. Either way though, it's final. Death is never fun to go through, even if you are a Christian. It still hurts. Really bad. Knowing someone is free from the confines of this world and their human bodies of pain and sin, and are in the presence of their Creator, is definitely helpful in the grieving process, but it still is hard to go through.
A dear friend of ours, and a pillar in our church for the last 20+ years, passed away unexpectedly this morning. Josephine was a lady who always had something to say, and you always knew where you stood with her. I loved that quality about her, even if it was hard being on the receiving end, because there were never any guessing games. And man, she could play that piano! I had the privilege of both participating with and leading Josephine on our worship team for the past five years. It wasn't always easy, for her or for me. With the upfront quality she had, sometimes her intentions could be misunderstood, and she had very definite opinions of how she preferred things. Don't we all though?
Through the growing pains of our worship team, Josephine, and her equally important counterpart, Donna, always stayed with us, hard as it was, and pushed through while learning new songs, putting up with increased guitars and drums, and enduring my and other's eager notions to try an old hymn a new way. Josephine taught me a lot, mostly indirectly, and I'm sure I'll continue learning from her even though she's gone. She taught me about the importance of caring for all generations. She taught me the importance of generosity. She taught me the importance of roots and history. She taught me the importance of loving and serving your husband and family. She taught me how to quiet a noisy congregation down with a beautiful song. She taught me that a well placed run on the piano can fit into pretty much any song sung in the church! She taught me how to love a granddaughter well. She taught me that not everyone loves minor keys! She taught me to pay attention to details. She taught me about loyalty. She taught me how to truly love the church as part of my family. For those things, I'll forever be grateful! And as long as I don't forget those things and I incorporate them in my life, Josephine will still be around in my heart!
I truly will miss this dear woman, and I look forward to when we can worship together again in Heaven! I will very much miss singing hymns with her playing alongside Donna behind me. I really pray that Jesus has a piano there for her to play, and as my little friend Ezri told her mommy this morning, "when we get there, we can hear her music again so we can dance!"
A dear friend of ours, and a pillar in our church for the last 20+ years, passed away unexpectedly this morning. Josephine was a lady who always had something to say, and you always knew where you stood with her. I loved that quality about her, even if it was hard being on the receiving end, because there were never any guessing games. And man, she could play that piano! I had the privilege of both participating with and leading Josephine on our worship team for the past five years. It wasn't always easy, for her or for me. With the upfront quality she had, sometimes her intentions could be misunderstood, and she had very definite opinions of how she preferred things. Don't we all though?
Through the growing pains of our worship team, Josephine, and her equally important counterpart, Donna, always stayed with us, hard as it was, and pushed through while learning new songs, putting up with increased guitars and drums, and enduring my and other's eager notions to try an old hymn a new way. Josephine taught me a lot, mostly indirectly, and I'm sure I'll continue learning from her even though she's gone. She taught me about the importance of caring for all generations. She taught me the importance of generosity. She taught me the importance of roots and history. She taught me the importance of loving and serving your husband and family. She taught me how to quiet a noisy congregation down with a beautiful song. She taught me that a well placed run on the piano can fit into pretty much any song sung in the church! She taught me how to love a granddaughter well. She taught me that not everyone loves minor keys! She taught me to pay attention to details. She taught me about loyalty. She taught me how to truly love the church as part of my family. For those things, I'll forever be grateful! And as long as I don't forget those things and I incorporate them in my life, Josephine will still be around in my heart!
I truly will miss this dear woman, and I look forward to when we can worship together again in Heaven! I will very much miss singing hymns with her playing alongside Donna behind me. I really pray that Jesus has a piano there for her to play, and as my little friend Ezri told her mommy this morning, "when we get there, we can hear her music again so we can dance!"
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Day 33
What a crazy weird day! Nothing earth shattering, just a huge range of emotions in a short 12 hour period! Life would be so much simpler if people weren't involved, but it would also be way more boring! Some people like boring. Not me. I'd much rather take the complex and hard. Anyhow, I'm gonna enjoy my time of sleep tonight! My brain needs a break! Oh, and for the first time in this crazy rhythm of fasting I've been on, my body actually was okay and slightly glad to be back in my veggie routine. WEIRD!!!!!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Day 32
Ohhhhh, too much cheese!!! But it was soooo good!!
I'm sitting here listening to Wynton Marsalis, one of my husbands' heroes, and am just amazed by the sheer God-given talent! I don't know about you, but sometimes I think, "is this it? Is this all I was created to do and be? Or is there something bigger and more in me just waiting to be realized?" I know, I'm a philosopher at heart. But I do seriously wonder. I don't want the fame and prestige that goes with that stuff, and more than anything I want my life to always point people to Christ. However, I also want to be what I was created to be. I know I am already in many ways, but if God put any hint of a Wynton or Billy Graham or Michelangelo in me, then I sure as heck want to discover and develop that!
One thing I'm grateful for in regards to this fast is that I've taken more of an interest in myself. I don't mean that in a selfish, independent woman way either. When you're a wife and a mom, it's very very easy to put every one's needs in front of your own, because that's what you do. It's your job. Even on days you don't feel like it, you do it anyway, because honestly, who else is gonna feed them, wash them, and love them? After many years of this, it becomes routine and someone somewhere says, "remember that time when . . . " and you think "really? I did that? I used to dream that? I had goals?" Then part of you grieves, part of you gets a little frustrated, and then finally (or hopefully) a part of you kicks in and says, "yeah, I did dream that, think that, want that," and then you decide there's no better time to focus on the "that" again, even if just a little bit.
So, though I didn't really know I was going to when I started this whole crazy fast, I have started paying a little more attention to some of the "thats" in my life, and as a result, I'm a little more in touch with me. I am able to talk to my kids about things I've thought, felt, and dreamt that I honestly had forgotten about. And now they know their mom just a little more than they did before. They realize I'm more than just a mom. And that is a really amazing gift, whether there's a Wynton in me or not!
I'm sitting here listening to Wynton Marsalis, one of my husbands' heroes, and am just amazed by the sheer God-given talent! I don't know about you, but sometimes I think, "is this it? Is this all I was created to do and be? Or is there something bigger and more in me just waiting to be realized?" I know, I'm a philosopher at heart. But I do seriously wonder. I don't want the fame and prestige that goes with that stuff, and more than anything I want my life to always point people to Christ. However, I also want to be what I was created to be. I know I am already in many ways, but if God put any hint of a Wynton or Billy Graham or Michelangelo in me, then I sure as heck want to discover and develop that!
One thing I'm grateful for in regards to this fast is that I've taken more of an interest in myself. I don't mean that in a selfish, independent woman way either. When you're a wife and a mom, it's very very easy to put every one's needs in front of your own, because that's what you do. It's your job. Even on days you don't feel like it, you do it anyway, because honestly, who else is gonna feed them, wash them, and love them? After many years of this, it becomes routine and someone somewhere says, "remember that time when . . . " and you think "really? I did that? I used to dream that? I had goals?" Then part of you grieves, part of you gets a little frustrated, and then finally (or hopefully) a part of you kicks in and says, "yeah, I did dream that, think that, want that," and then you decide there's no better time to focus on the "that" again, even if just a little bit.
So, though I didn't really know I was going to when I started this whole crazy fast, I have started paying a little more attention to some of the "thats" in my life, and as a result, I'm a little more in touch with me. I am able to talk to my kids about things I've thought, felt, and dreamt that I honestly had forgotten about. And now they know their mom just a little more than they did before. They realize I'm more than just a mom. And that is a really amazing gift, whether there's a Wynton in me or not!
Day 31
Great day of beautiful sunshine, finishing our room, warmer temps, seeing Leslie twice, food provisions, really great kids, incredible husbands, delicious homemade pizza, fun movies, and a dog who was still at home when we got home even though we accidentally left our bedroom window wide open and he tried to go through the screen, again! Every good and perfect gift comes from above!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Day 30
Woo Hoo! A get to change the first number to a 3 today! Now that my projects of home makeover have settled down, I have more time and energy to think and write. I did do alot of thinking while painting my walls and furniture, however. One thing I found interesting is how some people I've encountered over this past month think they know all there is to know about Lent and fasting, and get really irritated and haughty with others who don't practice it or know so little about it (as if the others are lesser Christians). Yet their lives are filled with blatant selfishness, boasting, rudeness, and pride. It's been one of the many interesting little rabbit-trails I've been privy to while on this endeavor.
Which again, brings me back to one of my first posts about how so many of the people I see regularly partaking in and exercising Lent, evidence no real change in their hearts. Which honestly casts a big cloud over the whole discipline! Something I read recently in an article about Lent said, "the real challenge facing the believer is not, therefore, "What shall I give up for Lent?" but rather, "How can I be filled with the Spirit? (1)." (I can't believe I'm actually citing this properly! Way to go Mrs. Spradling for ingraining that into me so well)! Anyways, that thought really stuck with me. To do this thing of Lent and really be changed, it has to be so much more than just an annual exercise that you check off your "to do" list and mark with a gold star. Otherwise it becomes as anticipated as a pelvic exam or a teeth cleaning. Stuff you have to do because you know it's in your best interest, but you look forward to it about as much as poking your eyes with needles! And I'll be honest, much of my attitude towards this whole thing has been about as happy as that! And so, that's why this next little blip has also stuck with me.
"Nevertheless, I was always taught, "If you gave something up for the Lord, tough it out. Don't act like a Pharisee looking for a loophole." Moreover, an emphasis must be placed on performing spiritual works, like attending the Stations of the Cross, attending Mass, making a weekly holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament, taking time for personal prayer and spiritual reading and most especially making a good confession and receiving sacramental absolution. Although the practices may have evolved over the centuries, the focus remains the same: to repent of sin, to renew our faith and to prepare to celebrate joyfully the mysteries of our salvation (2)."
So, may I resolve to tough this thing out for 16 or so more days, and may I not focus on me throughout it, but may my heart and mind truly be filled with the Holy Spirit, and turned towards the things of God and His sacrifice, towards others in their needs, and towards the faith that I hold so dear, not so that I can receive my gold star, but so that I can have a changed and pliable heart that actually looks more like Jesus and less like me.
1) http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/marchweb-only/34.0.html
2) http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0527.html
- others I found interesting:
- http://www.churchyear.net/lent.html
- http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/marchweb-only/33.0.html
Which again, brings me back to one of my first posts about how so many of the people I see regularly partaking in and exercising Lent, evidence no real change in their hearts. Which honestly casts a big cloud over the whole discipline! Something I read recently in an article about Lent said, "the real challenge facing the believer is not, therefore, "What shall I give up for Lent?" but rather, "How can I be filled with the Spirit? (1)." (I can't believe I'm actually citing this properly! Way to go Mrs. Spradling for ingraining that into me so well)! Anyways, that thought really stuck with me. To do this thing of Lent and really be changed, it has to be so much more than just an annual exercise that you check off your "to do" list and mark with a gold star. Otherwise it becomes as anticipated as a pelvic exam or a teeth cleaning. Stuff you have to do because you know it's in your best interest, but you look forward to it about as much as poking your eyes with needles! And I'll be honest, much of my attitude towards this whole thing has been about as happy as that! And so, that's why this next little blip has also stuck with me.
"Nevertheless, I was always taught, "If you gave something up for the Lord, tough it out. Don't act like a Pharisee looking for a loophole." Moreover, an emphasis must be placed on performing spiritual works, like attending the Stations of the Cross, attending Mass, making a weekly holy hour before the Blessed Sacrament, taking time for personal prayer and spiritual reading and most especially making a good confession and receiving sacramental absolution. Although the practices may have evolved over the centuries, the focus remains the same: to repent of sin, to renew our faith and to prepare to celebrate joyfully the mysteries of our salvation (2)."
So, may I resolve to tough this thing out for 16 or so more days, and may I not focus on me throughout it, but may my heart and mind truly be filled with the Holy Spirit, and turned towards the things of God and His sacrifice, towards others in their needs, and towards the faith that I hold so dear, not so that I can receive my gold star, but so that I can have a changed and pliable heart that actually looks more like Jesus and less like me.
1) http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/marchweb-only/34.0.html
2) http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0527.html
- others I found interesting:
- http://www.churchyear.net/lent.html
- http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/marchweb-only/33.0.html
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Day 29
Sorry to all who desire something profound on here, but it's really hard to come up with something deep every day for 29 days!!! I've had my mind on other stuff lately. One thing I will note though . . . once you blow it, whatever "it" is, it's really easy to do it again and again! Boo on the weak will of humans, especially this human.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 28
I'm almost done . . . with our room, that is! Walls done, furniture done and moved back, so now comes the fun part of redecorating! Looks like my "goal" of being done by Wednesday will actually happen! See, I can be trained! It helps that I have two incredible kids that can entertain themselves ALL DAY LONG and a fantastic playlist on my ipod!
I'm so ready to not be a vegan vegetablearian anymore!! I seriously don't get this lifestyle as an everyday way of life, unless you just have no choice due to health. But there are actual people that exist that choose to eat this way. On purpose. All the time. Without fail. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS for giving me a desire to appreciate life fully!! Perhaps a bit too fully, which I'm working on, but still . . .! I was craving granola tonight. I know, very Washington and Northwest of me. Alas, I had potatoes, tomatoes, avocado, and brocolli. The best thing about the meal was that James put it together so I just had to pause, insert, chew, and swallow. I'm often full from these crazy meals, just not satisfied. Oh well, I keep pluggin' away. Livestrong.com better have some sort of "calories burned" option for painting and hauling furniture up and down stairs! I'm so sore and I want it to count! But I'll look tomorrow, b/c now, I'm going to bed!
I'm so ready to not be a vegan vegetablearian anymore!! I seriously don't get this lifestyle as an everyday way of life, unless you just have no choice due to health. But there are actual people that exist that choose to eat this way. On purpose. All the time. Without fail. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS for giving me a desire to appreciate life fully!! Perhaps a bit too fully, which I'm working on, but still . . .! I was craving granola tonight. I know, very Washington and Northwest of me. Alas, I had potatoes, tomatoes, avocado, and brocolli. The best thing about the meal was that James put it together so I just had to pause, insert, chew, and swallow. I'm often full from these crazy meals, just not satisfied. Oh well, I keep pluggin' away. Livestrong.com better have some sort of "calories burned" option for painting and hauling furniture up and down stairs! I'm so sore and I want it to count! But I'll look tomorrow, b/c now, I'm going to bed!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 27
ONLY 13 MORE DAYS LEFT!!!! Well, in theory! In actuality, there's 20 days till Easter, so just shy of three weeks left to go! I guess we add more than the original 40 due to Sabbaths. Anyway, time is ticking away!
I painted and ran errands most of today. It feels productive, but also seems like it's never gonna end. Hmmmm, seems like a reoccurring theme in my life! Boys started soccer today, and we're all enjoying spring break! And, I have the best, best friend in the world who is such a picture of God's love to me! And I blew my eating tonight with Costco samples and rotisserie chicken. Dang it!! But I still stayed under calories, which makes it slightly redemptive!
That's my day. I'm happy. I'm tired. I'm getting up early to help another friend, so tootles!
I painted and ran errands most of today. It feels productive, but also seems like it's never gonna end. Hmmmm, seems like a reoccurring theme in my life! Boys started soccer today, and we're all enjoying spring break! And, I have the best, best friend in the world who is such a picture of God's love to me! And I blew my eating tonight with Costco samples and rotisserie chicken. Dang it!! But I still stayed under calories, which makes it slightly redemptive!
That's my day. I'm happy. I'm tired. I'm getting up early to help another friend, so tootles!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Day 26
Spent today at church, walking to get ready for "the race to end slavery", dealing with a migraine, and getting outdoor furniture outdoors so we could have some space to work in the garage. My spring break endeavor is giving our bedroom a makeover. So, out went all our furniture so I can paint it all black, then while it's in its various stages of drying, I'll be painting our room as well! My goal (ack, did I really just say goal? what is happening to me?) is to be done by Wednesday so that we can play on Thursday, Friday and Saturday! Tonight I got all the furniture primed and the pulls painted a brushed nickle. Tomorrow I tackle painting. This has nothing to do with food or fasting, but I wrote something! Good day, but I'm exhausted. Nite-nite!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 25
Today I am grateful for freedom! Physical freedom, emotional freedom, and spiritual freedom. I was sitting in the jail today looking around and thought "these people are no different than so many I see on a regular basis who just haven't been caught. They have families. They have dreams. They have pasts. They have value." And I think, "God loves these people just as much as He loves me, and He wouldn't hesitate to leave me and the other 98 behind to go looking for one of these who is lost." So, do I?
Though we (on the outside) get frustrated with those on the inside with not getting it together and messing up or reoffending again and again and again, how different really are we from them? Like where it really matters. And, I'm not saying those who do crimes ought not to be punished. They should. What I'm talking about though, is the emotional and spiritual shunning that most people I know blatantly live out towards offenders. What if God dealt with us the way we often deal with those in prison? Has one of us ever lied, been tried and judged, and truly never ever lied again? Has one of us ever looked lustfully at another, been caught and maybe even rehabilitated, and then never ever struggled with lust again? Has any of us ever thought more highly of ourselves than we ought, been humbled, and never had a prideful moment again? No? We keep continually sinning even though we know better? Well, then I guess no one should visit us. No one should reach out to us, especially when we've really blown it. No one should ever even think of believing in us, because we've already proven that we can't be trusted and we're screw ups. And people should definitely judge our family and think of them as ignorant for choosing us in the first place. And getting into heaven? We should all just kiss that goodbye because if we screw up as often as we do, then we must not have ever had a "real" encounter or relationship with Jesus.
Do you see how ludicrous this all is? Hopefully you picked up on the sarcasm and realized how outlandish this is, and yet this is exactly how so many, especially in the church, treat prisoners. Most Christians believe in the "saving" grace of Jesus, but not in the day in and day out "living" grace of Jesus. Once they're saved, they move right back into the mold of works and performance and perfection. Don't get me wrong. My God punishes and deals with sin. But He did it once and for all with the death of His Son, Jesus, on the cross so that we wouldn't have to suffer His wrath. Anyone who calls on the name of Jesus will be saved. And anyone who believes in the Lord Jesus Christ will be given freedom. EVEN IF WE KEEP SCREWING UP!!! Sin is sin. It all separates us from God. One isn't more worse than another, spiritually speaking. Otherwise, NONE OF US would ever make it to heaven and spend eternity with Him.
So, all that to say, I'm so very grateful for the freedom I experience in all parts of my life, and I fully acknowledge that freedom comes only from the redeeming work of Christ. And the good news is, He's not done. He has more to save. Some of them are in prison. Some of them are on the streets. Some of them are in the church. And He will leave the 99 sheep every single time to go find the one that is lost. So again I ask, will I? The only thing I can do here on earth that I can't do in heaven is tell hurting people about Jesus.
Though we (on the outside) get frustrated with those on the inside with not getting it together and messing up or reoffending again and again and again, how different really are we from them? Like where it really matters. And, I'm not saying those who do crimes ought not to be punished. They should. What I'm talking about though, is the emotional and spiritual shunning that most people I know blatantly live out towards offenders. What if God dealt with us the way we often deal with those in prison? Has one of us ever lied, been tried and judged, and truly never ever lied again? Has one of us ever looked lustfully at another, been caught and maybe even rehabilitated, and then never ever struggled with lust again? Has any of us ever thought more highly of ourselves than we ought, been humbled, and never had a prideful moment again? No? We keep continually sinning even though we know better? Well, then I guess no one should visit us. No one should reach out to us, especially when we've really blown it. No one should ever even think of believing in us, because we've already proven that we can't be trusted and we're screw ups. And people should definitely judge our family and think of them as ignorant for choosing us in the first place. And getting into heaven? We should all just kiss that goodbye because if we screw up as often as we do, then we must not have ever had a "real" encounter or relationship with Jesus.
Do you see how ludicrous this all is? Hopefully you picked up on the sarcasm and realized how outlandish this is, and yet this is exactly how so many, especially in the church, treat prisoners. Most Christians believe in the "saving" grace of Jesus, but not in the day in and day out "living" grace of Jesus. Once they're saved, they move right back into the mold of works and performance and perfection. Don't get me wrong. My God punishes and deals with sin. But He did it once and for all with the death of His Son, Jesus, on the cross so that we wouldn't have to suffer His wrath. Anyone who calls on the name of Jesus will be saved. And anyone who believes in the Lord Jesus Christ will be given freedom. EVEN IF WE KEEP SCREWING UP!!! Sin is sin. It all separates us from God. One isn't more worse than another, spiritually speaking. Otherwise, NONE OF US would ever make it to heaven and spend eternity with Him.
So, all that to say, I'm so very grateful for the freedom I experience in all parts of my life, and I fully acknowledge that freedom comes only from the redeeming work of Christ. And the good news is, He's not done. He has more to save. Some of them are in prison. Some of them are on the streets. Some of them are in the church. And He will leave the 99 sheep every single time to go find the one that is lost. So again I ask, will I? The only thing I can do here on earth that I can't do in heaven is tell hurting people about Jesus.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Day 24
I had a WONDERFUL time with great friends tonight as we started our Sabbath! The company alone would have been enough, but throwing good food and a walk on top of it was a real treat!
Over the last week, I've really been thinking about the notion of contentment, and whether or not I have it. I like to think I do, but I honestly have come to terms with the fact that I'm more often than not only content in my everyday life, when things are going my way. That doesn't sound like contentment, that sounds like spoiled! I know very well though that I'm not alone in this notion, because, well, look around! This is such a prevalent theme in the culture I live in today, especially here in America, that it has become the norm. Though it's the norm, I truly don't want it to be in my life. The problem is, when I am in my "routine" it's really hard not to fall back into that same pattern of wanting what I want when I want it. I don't know why, but this week, I've struggled with this. Maybe because I've really wanted something I couldn't have (even more this week than the past two), and it made me really angry because I couldn't have it. I know, another lovely little gem that makes up Abby! I guess this is why I love getting outside my "routine" with things like mission trips.
There is no room for MY normal in something like a mission trip. There's no room for my selfishness, my demands, my routine, my schedule, my attitude, or my will when I'm intentionally focusing on serving others. And I realize "serving others" can be done here at home, but does it? I believe it's incredibly hard to give of yourself fully to other people (especially those not related to you) when you are in your comfort zone, or when you know the safety of your comfort zone is within reach or nearby. And the great tragedy of it all, is that not only do you live a life wishy-washy and uncontent, but you become so focused on trying to make yourself content that you miss out on the joy of the souls and the "one anothers" around you (**). And so, I want to explore how I can more intentionally live my life daily, here in my norm, with the same intentionality that I live it while on a mission trip. I want that Abby to be my new norm, so that no matter what goes on circumstantially in my life, I will be content.
** http://www.cerrogordocob.com/sermons/One_Another.pdf
Over the last week, I've really been thinking about the notion of contentment, and whether or not I have it. I like to think I do, but I honestly have come to terms with the fact that I'm more often than not only content in my everyday life, when things are going my way. That doesn't sound like contentment, that sounds like spoiled! I know very well though that I'm not alone in this notion, because, well, look around! This is such a prevalent theme in the culture I live in today, especially here in America, that it has become the norm. Though it's the norm, I truly don't want it to be in my life. The problem is, when I am in my "routine" it's really hard not to fall back into that same pattern of wanting what I want when I want it. I don't know why, but this week, I've struggled with this. Maybe because I've really wanted something I couldn't have (even more this week than the past two), and it made me really angry because I couldn't have it. I know, another lovely little gem that makes up Abby! I guess this is why I love getting outside my "routine" with things like mission trips.
There is no room for MY normal in something like a mission trip. There's no room for my selfishness, my demands, my routine, my schedule, my attitude, or my will when I'm intentionally focusing on serving others. And I realize "serving others" can be done here at home, but does it? I believe it's incredibly hard to give of yourself fully to other people (especially those not related to you) when you are in your comfort zone, or when you know the safety of your comfort zone is within reach or nearby. And the great tragedy of it all, is that not only do you live a life wishy-washy and uncontent, but you become so focused on trying to make yourself content that you miss out on the joy of the souls and the "one anothers" around you (**). And so, I want to explore how I can more intentionally live my life daily, here in my norm, with the same intentionality that I live it while on a mission trip. I want that Abby to be my new norm, so that no matter what goes on circumstantially in my life, I will be content.
** http://www.cerrogordocob.com/sermons/One_Another.pdf
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)