Day 32

Ohhhhh, too much cheese!!! But it was soooo good!!

I'm sitting here listening to Wynton Marsalis, one of my husbands' heroes, and am just amazed by the sheer God-given talent! I don't know about you, but sometimes I think, "is this it? Is this all I was created to do and be? Or is there something bigger and more in me just waiting to be realized?" I know, I'm a philosopher at heart. But I do seriously wonder. I don't want the fame and prestige that goes with that stuff, and more than anything I want my life to always point people to Christ. However, I also want to be what I was created to be. I know I am already in many ways, but if God put any hint of a Wynton or Billy Graham or Michelangelo in me, then I sure as heck want to discover and develop that!

One thing I'm grateful for in regards to this fast is that I've taken more of an interest in myself. I don't mean that in a selfish, independent woman way either. When you're a wife and a mom, it's very very easy to put every one's needs in front of your own, because that's what you do. It's your job. Even on days you don't feel like it, you do it anyway, because honestly, who else is gonna feed them, wash them, and love them? After many years of this, it becomes routine and someone somewhere says, "remember that time when . . . " and you think "really? I did that? I used to dream that? I had goals?" Then part of you grieves, part of you gets a little frustrated, and then finally (or hopefully) a part of you kicks in and says, "yeah, I did dream that, think that, want that," and then you decide there's no better time to focus on the "that" again, even if just a little bit.

So, though I didn't really know I was going to when I started this whole crazy fast, I have started paying a little more attention to some of the "thats" in my life, and as a result, I'm a little more in touch with me. I am able to talk to my kids about things I've thought, felt, and dreamt that I honestly had forgotten about. And now they know their mom just a little more than they did before. They realize I'm more than just a mom. And that is a really amazing gift, whether there's a Wynton in me or not!