Day 11

Today we got to celebrate a fabulous 5 year old! Her spirit, energy, and smile is enough to wipe out any grumpy mood, frown, or negative attitude! She's a gift to all who meet her, and she's one of those precious children that was adopted.

So that's what my post is gonna be about tonight, stewarding lives well who are in this world, who by no fault of their own, find themselves in a position of needing loving, Godly homes. I know this is an area that I fall short in. I don't believe I fall into the "consumption" category or exhausting and squandering, but carefully stewarding, that's definitely an area of growth. And I can make excuses as to why on so many different levels, and they're all valid, and I can justify that I already do enough in this department, but I'm not satisfied with those reasons anymore. God gave a clear mandate to people in James 1:26-27 about what we're to do:

"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

To "look after"- I think we like to believe that "looking after" is accomplished when we pray for, think about, say hi to, maybe even play with. Not bad things, however, I checked it out in a thesaurus. If those four things happen to make up our definition of "look after", are we in for a surprise! From the thesaurus, up popped:

"administer to, attend, attend on, attend to, baby-sit, bandage, bathe, be fond of, be partial to, burn with love, care for, chaperon, cherish, chore, coddle, conserve, contend with, cope with, cosset, cradle, cultivate, cure, dance attendance upon, deal with, diagnose, do for, do service to, do with, doctor, dote on, dote upon, drudge, dry-nurse, fancy, feed, flux, foster, give care to, go for, handle, have eyes for, heal, help, keep watch over, lackey, lavish care on, like, look after, look out for, look to, love, maid, manage, massage, matronize, mind, minister to, mother, nourish, nurse, nurture, operate on, pamper, pander to, physic, plaster, poultice, preserve, protege, provide for, purge, remedy, ride herd on, rub, see after, see to, serve, shepherd, splint, spoon-feed, steward, strap, support, sustain, take care of, take charge of, tend, treat, upon, use, valet, wait".

Hmmmmm, I think we fall a little short . . . at least I know I do! And then "who" comes to mind when you hear orphans. In the Greek, this word orphan (orphanus) means "bereaved, an orphan, fatherless, desolate." Wait, what?? You mean, not JUST the little ones who have no parents? According to God, it's a little bit broader than that. And truthfully, there's nothing in the verse that connotes age in regards to orphans. It includes those who are bereaved (having been deprived of something or someone valued, especially through death), an orphan (lacking both parents), desolate (experiencing devastation, ruin, barren, lifeless, devoid of inhabitants, bereft of friends or hope), and the fatherless (having no living or known father). Huh, and let's not forget this verse also goes on to mention widows (meaning lacking a husband, literally or figuratively).

I don't know about you dear reader, but I have a WHOLE lot of people in my life that fall into many of these categories. And God says He ACTUALLY wants me to care for them (again, see really long definition above). So the wife whose husband is tuned out of his family's life or doesn't provide for them, those devastated by abuse, death, addiction (theirs or others), those whose parents checked out of their lives whether geographically or emotionally or in fact actually died or gave them up, the single moms and their kids (hey that gets both widow and orphan-- bonus points for helping them!), those experiencing loss, those who show no evidence of life or hope, those whose husbands left them either by death or abandonment, those ruined by (fill in the blank with whatever sin you want to insert)-- perhaps some of my friends without homes are coming to mind, and on and on . . . all these are really important to God that we "look after".

I think so often we limit the view of this verse, when clearly it pertains to so much more than one population. Even if it was the one population, most people think, "no way am I going to adopt!" as if that's the only way to "look after" an orphan. It's a FANTASTIC way to look after them! I have many in my life and family who have felt the call from God to look after through fostering or adopting kiddos, and I'm SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM and those new little monkeys in my world! Even if you go that route, though, it can't just end there. Adoption seems long, emotional, arduous, risky, complicated, and unknown, so again going back to my post a couple days ago, why in the world would our society do it? Then here I go and help broaden our definition to include a larger population. In a way it may seem easier . . . "well at least I don't have guilt now for not adopting! I can just help. There's less of a commitment in that, but adoption's forever." But I see nothing in the definition of "look after" that screams TEMPORARY or EASY! Yes, my words just screamed at you. Not much in that definition can be done well for someone without having some sort of relationship with them. And, (here we go), relationships take time, energy, space. They're messy, they hurt, and they're risky. They're also life-giving, soul-changing, and heart-growing . . . for both parties involved.

So what do we do? What do I do? Well hopefully as you've been reading this, a name or 50 popped up in your brain. Start with them! Take the definition above, and apply it to the relationships you already have that Jesus is talking about. Here's a concept, ask God how He wants you to go about this! This doesn't have to be rocket-science, but it isn't going to be easy either. It's going to require making space for these relationships. It's going to mean clearing our schedules a bit for face-to-face time, phone calls, dinners, and (wait for it) serving them! It may even mean confronting some of our pre-conceived notions or stereotypes or biases towards some in this population. Yea, that's loads of fun. But it's necessary, at least if you want to engage in a way that Jesus claims is pure and acceptable.

I have a relationship with a dear friend that I recently had to fight for. She hasn't had many relationships in her life that "stuck", so the concept wasn't natural for her, and I got busy. She equated that with not caring for her anymore. A bit premature, BUT totally valid! If I were in her shoes, I would feel the same way. She was ready to bail, not out of desire, but out of deference to me and to try to stop feeling horrible about a great loss of relationship in her life. She truly missed her friend. And when you don't have many deep or close friendships, they all count. I was negligent. I took something so sacred and precious to me, and by my actions, assumed she had all the stability of my childhood and would never question my intentions. What an idiot I was! And I'm actually a trained professional!

We have to know that when we're building relationships, we meet people where they're at and go at their pace. We have to help teach them, not through lectures, but through our actions. We have to show them that God will never leave them nor forsake them. God left us here to gather people to Himself, even knowing all our blunders and mistakes. When you screw it up, say your sorry. Fess up, ask for forgiveness, learn from them, and commit to starting again. We need to include them on healthy and authentic (not perfect) families, marriages, activities, fears, joys, and genuinely take interest in theirs as well . . . not with an agenda of fixing or managing, but to really "look after". Once we do, we'll find that more often than not, these people will have spirit, energy, and smiles that are true gifts to all that know them! This is pure and faultless religion. And that's the kind I want in on! May I learn to steward it well!