It's funny how opportunities come along. Sometimes you plan for things, and they happen just like you expected. But sometimes, something else happens entirely- often good, sometimes bad, occasionally it doesn't matter. I had no idea at this time last year that I would have lost 53 pounds 1 year later. I really didn't believe I'd be engaged as much as I am in teaching multiple voice/music classes and giving voice lessons again. There are things with James' job, our church, our family, that we could not have planned on taking place this year. At this time last year, I never thought seminary would EVER end for us! I had no idea how much our kids would have grown, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I had no idea about pineterest. I had no idea I might be considering going back to work. I had no idea I'd be in such a great small group with people I really really love. I had no idea that this last year my best friend would go through one of the hardest things she's ever had to go through in caring for and letting go of her dad, and how I'd need to learn how it has forever altered her. I had no idea I might be considering putting our boys on a gymnastics team. I had no idea we'd walk a journey of new life with a family that we adore. I had no idea my only aunt left would be struck with breast cancer. I had no idea how much my mother-in-law would still be fighting this battle with Lyme's disease. I looked forward to trips, but had no idea the toll they'd take or the wonderful lessons and memories made on them. I had no idea we'd go from 2 dogs to 3 and then to 2 and finish with 1. I couldn't guess that I'd spend Christmas with my best friend eating seafood rather than having a traditional Christmas with family. I had no idea a book was coming out that would really affirm the way I think about things. And the list could go on and on . . .
I know so many people who say they wish God spoke today like He did to the Israelites, and they wish we could see His presence as tangibly and openly as they did back then, with a cloud and pillar of fire. And I'm not gonna lie and say I've never been on that bandwagon! But I do have to say that I have come to enjoy the mystery of God, and how He chooses to work in our lives. I mean yes, it can be crazy frustrating at times, but there's something to be said for a God who totally has control over things and truly, madly, deeply has the best in mind for you because He loves you perfectly. It means we get to relax and just enjoy what He brings our way. We can aspire to really learn and apply rather than plan and control. We can bask and glow in real genuine love rather than fret and perform for attention that doesn't last. We can stretch and grow without fear of rejection and isolation, at least from God! What a remarkable gift! I think without the Holy Spirit moving in our lives, thus having less mystery, we'd still be secure, but not near as free. We'd be bound up by laws and rules, and pillars and clouds. I want to really live in that freedom. After 35 years, I think I just may be beginning to see the steps of how. So I'll keep making plans, but may God continue to interrupt them for His own desire to make me who He created me to be. May I steward this verse well:
"You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail." Psalm 19:21
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