DOUBLE DIGITS!! Finally! Now, I only have to multiply this by 4 and I'll be done! Seriously, this blogging every day is getting a little much! I have profound moments, but they don't usually happen daily! But I committed, so whoever reads this has to endure whatever comes out! I'm not gonna write a lot, b/c it's bedtime and I'm sitting by myself in the living room while everyone else is in bed. Technically, it's 22 minutes into Day 11, but oh well . . .
Today wasn't the best of days for me. In fact, it was quite horrible. Basically I was in a bad mood all day and I couldn't get out of my head. There are all sorts of contributing factors to this mood, but I'll only touch on some of what identifies with this here blog. (and seriously, why is it called a blog?) I have decided that too much self-reflection is not a good thing. I think this is one reason really "normal" and/or Godly people go crazy . . . literally! I think if one focuses so much on what they are or aren't doing right or wrong, even if they're getting input from outside sources (spouses, God, Bible, family, etc.) then they become tunnel visioned and can't get outside of themselves. Even the people who seemingly are filling themselves totally up with God are often doing it because they're trying to rid themselves of the sin and guilt and "self" that plagues them. Then what often (not always, but often) happens, is they're not actually dealing with the problem of that sin and guilt and "self" and just covering it up with God. STUPID! God doesn't want to be a band-aid. He wants to heal us. God doesn't want to give us a pat on the back. He wants to free us. And God doesn't want us to be programmed robotic carbon-copies of Him. He wants us, in all our quirky and weirdly wired ways, to reflect Him. Does that mean we need to self-reflect? Absolutely, b/c we are messed up and sinful, and that needs to be dealt with. Regularly. But are we supposed to do it to the point that we irritate everyone around us, aren't enjoyable to be around, are rendered useless b/c we have no confidence, and in trying to rid ourselves of self we actually become more full of ourselves? Nope. Maybe this doesn't make sense to anyone else, but God made sense of it today for me. So, for the next few days, I'll continue to write about my journey, but it may have a little less self-reflection, because frankly, I need a break, and I need to enjoy the wonderful life and people that I've been given!
Nite nite . . . !
Abby, You are loved! Introspection is good from time to time to help keep us in balance, but Satan can use it to discourage us and doubt ourselves. You are highly intellegent, talented in many, many ways, fiercly loyal and a wonderful child of the King - and you are loved!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this Abby.During my commute when I am trying to talk and listen to God I often end up obsessing over my sin/guilt/envy/whatever is bothering me and then feel even worse for feeling that way when I know God is right there waiting for me to hand it all over to him and just let HIM heal me. It is so hard to do, but it's so awesome that God gets us and our neurotic thoughts and offers a way out. Anyways, thanks again :) Keep up the great work on your fast thing. I'm totally impressed!
ReplyDeleteGeek trivia for the day, the word "blog" comes from the term "weB-LOG", and was shortened, I imagine, because it was easier to say. :)
ReplyDeleteBtw, in my own ponderings on sin/self/guilt/etc. I always come to the realization that sin/self/etc. is a fact of this life. And yes, we are to always strive to become better than we are and to be more like Christ, but it's always going to be like "this" until we are called home.
And so the only thing that we can do until then is, as the song goes, rest in the shadow of God's grace.