Day 19

Well, hmmmmmmmmmm. I really don't want to admit this, but I will. I completely and purposefully broke my fast today. And you want to know the reason why? I made too many amazing enchiladas yesterday that I wanted to eat them again today. So, though I haven't cheated even a little prior to this, I cheated in a major big way today! And since I broke it with enchiladas, why not add samoas (darn girl scouts)and chicken strips to the mix too! If you know me, you know that I have a bit of a bad girl in me. I challenge people and systems, I push envelopes, and I don't like doing things because it's expected. I figured this was coming at some point, and chicken and cheese enchiladas seemed as good a reason as any! See why I hate setting up goals? Now I get to deal with guilt and shame and all those lame emotions just because I told everyone I wasn't gonna eat certain foods. But, at least I don't lie! That's good! So off to bed I'll go, halfway wishing I hadn't done it, but also feeling a little satisfied b/c they were really good and now I don't have to look at them and be tempted the rest of the week. I'll start over again tomorrow. It seems slightly superficial and trite, but comparatively speaking, I can understand why addicts fall back into their addictions. Sometimes you just want to go back to what you know. Does it make it right? No. Does it make it sinful? Not necessarily in and of itself. Do I allow the same grace that God extends to me when I flub up a simple fast to others I know who struggle with much more significant things? I pray daily that the answer to that is yes! Hopefully none of you out there were taking bets on me! If so, you should have known better!! (-;