Day 5

Crap- I'm officially an emotional-stress eater. I've always known this, but it was confirmed today. Without going into all the irritating details, church this morning was less than an awesome experience for me (to be clear, I wasn't actually in the worship service but led children's church). In the chaos that ensued, I found myself herding cats by the refreshment table while mayhem reigned, when suddenly out went the hand, grabbed was the cookie, and straight in my mouth in one fell swoop. I honestly didn't even know I did it till 5 minutes later when I was talking to James about coordinating the kids and cars and all the things we coordinate in the span of 30 seconds between conversations when all of a sudden it hit me that "i ate a freakin' chocolate chip cookie, and i didn't even realize it!" Man oh man. Honestly, I could care less about the cookie because God's grace is sufficient and I needed the extra calories today (I'm still 600 under for the day as I type), but the fact that I didn't even realize what I was doing or remember that I was on this fast really frustrates me! Am I really that weak and numb and forgetful when I'm stressed out or have more than one thing really pressing on my mind? Or was it the high range and intensity of emotions running in me that triggered my eating tirade? Well, maybe not a tirade, but you know what I'm saying! God made it very evident to me today that I have some coping skills to work on and probably haven't even invited Him into. Yea, more personal growth (said in monotone voice with sarcastic flare). And putting my counselor hat on, I'm pretty sure it had to do with the amount of jumbled emotions I was feeling and not the actual chaos of too much going on, b/c frankly, I'm a pretty outstanding juggler!

On a different note, besides that little episode of my human condition, it's been a decent day. The sun actually shone, I wasn't horribly hungry, and after venting to my husband upwards of an hour, I was in a pretty great space! I even made a really good homemade veggie soup that was within the parameters of the fast to be enjoyed later in the evening for dinner (it's no chocolate chip cookie, but it was tasty!). I particularly enjoyed getting to think and pray and strategize with other people in our church tonight about how we personally can get involved with trying to abolish human trafficking in our town. That's the kind of stuff that excites me. And when I sit and ask God to help me see with His eyes how to get involved and help, and I ask Him to give me understanding and knowledge on the subject, I can honestly say there's so many things bigger than a cookie!

"Once I was bound by sin's galling fetters,
Chained like a slave, I struggled in vain;
But I received a glorious freedom,
When Jesus broke my fetters in twain.

Glorious freedom, wonderful freedom,
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus, the glorious Emancipator,
Now and forever He shall be mine.

Freedom from all the carnal affections,
Freedom from envy, hatred and strife;
Freedom from vain and worldly ambitions,
Freedom from all that saddened my life.

Glorious freedom, wonderful freedom,
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus, the glorious Emancipator,
Now and forever He shall be mine.

Freedom from pride and all sinful follies,
Freedom from love and glitter of gold;
Freedom from evil temper and anger,
Glorious freedom, rapture untold.

Glorious freedom, wonderful freedom,
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus, the glorious Emancipator,
Now and forever He shall be mine.

Freedom from fear with all of its torments,
Freedom from care with all of its pain;
Freedom in Christ, my blessed Redeemer,
He who has rent my fetters in twain.

Glorious freedom, wonderful freedom,
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus, the glorious Emancipator,
Now and forever He shall be mine."

-Haldor Lillenas-