Day 6

Nothing terribly exciting happening today, so probably not too much to say here. This is seemingly getting easier and is becoming more of the "norm" for me, which I suppose is good. However, I'm curious as to how quickly I'll go back to my old ways of eating as soon as this fast is over. That's one reason I'm glad I get the Sabbaths off, b/c it makes it more realistic. In terms of emotional stuff, I'm reading "The High Cost of High Control" by Dr. Tim Kimmell. A must read for anyone who's alive. I actually bought it as a parenting book, but it isn't exclusively. It applies to all areas of life, and offers a very good and clear perspective on strong personalities. Anyhow, reading this continues to make me aware of some of the dangers of my personality and how to avoid letting it take over me and bleed onto others in a toxic way.

Spiritually, I can tell Satan is trying to bring me to a helpless state with all the news about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the death of a baby of people I know, a friend my age having breast cancer and a double mastectomy, my dad having some undiagnosed health problems still 3 months after a fall where he broke 5 ribs and seriously damaged his lungs, and on and on and on. Thankfully I'm very aware of God right now, and I know He's bigger than all these things, so I'm not sinking into a depression of sorts, but Satan sure does love to try. It's amazing to me though how with just a slight lack of focus on God, I can easily get trapped in Satan's snares. But, when you're actively participating in something with God, it really clarifies your focus. Again, maybe there is more to this Lent thing than I first thought. However, I don't really want it to be just a 40 day deal and then go back to life as usual. I'd rather it be a lifestyle (novel concept, I know). I still haven't come to terms with Lent as a whole. Yes, good things are coming out of it for me, but frankly, if I were to do this everyday of my life, there would be similar results. I don't get the purpose of doing things like this just for a "season" as if being intentional with God should be optional or seasonal. But maybe I'm misinterpreting the purpose of Lent.

Apparently for some, Lent is as important or equal to in stature as Advent. It's a time of preparation- Advent is prepping for Christ's birth and Lent is prepping for His death and resurrection. So if that's the case, why don't we sing songs at church about that for the 4 weeks or so before hand, like we do Advent songs before Christmas? Why don't we do something like a Lent calendar to remind us specifically of the cross? I know people have verse readings, but honestly, the ones I've used or seen seem pretty out of context and ineffective. It seems like many people use Lent to promote something rather than reflect on Someone. And I still don't get the "giving up" aspect to Lent. We don't do that in Advent. I'm not saying I'm opposed to it (obviously, b/c look at what I'm doing here), but I just don't get it. Why not have the time of Lent be more like Advent where it's more "preparation" in nature, and then during the summer months or between the two holidays where it kinda feels like a desert time in life, throw in the time of fasting and wilderness and giving things up? Can you tell I'm a natural organizer? I'm sure I would have been excommunicated from the early church who planned all this out b/c I ask too many questions. Anyways, I'm trying to figure all this out in my little brain, but more, figure it all out for my little brain, so that when this 40 days is over, I'll have a clear plan as to how I want to implement parts of this in my own life on a regular basis because it is life-changing, irregardless of what a church calendar says.

So, apparently when I don't have a lot to say, I still say a lot. Thanks for listening to me ramble with myself!